i finally understood the root cause
1. i'm thankful that the landscapers that the property management company dealt with a lot of the yard maintenance tasks we couldn't easily do ourselves, even if i'm sad that they basically went scorched earth and tore down our bigger rose bush (which had just started blooming) and the tree out back that yes was overgrown but also served as a wonderful privacy blocker between us and our next door neighbors patio, and got rid of the pampas bush in the front yard and cut most of the pink and purple blooms off the rhododendron and exposed pieces of the bottom of the fence which has filled me with a constant low grade anxiety whenever miso is outside because when she first moved in she dug a hole under a weak part and escaped into the neighbor's yard (i'm thankful to console myself with the knowledge that she (seemingly) never did it besides that one time and thus hope that she will not do it again).
2. i'm thankful for beautiful new writing from emily gould on the experience of "being eaten from the inside" by a brain that "was goo, evil goo that wanted me dead" and using a certain kind of TV show to ride out that experience. (also was earlier in the day just rereading ruth's "so sad today" which i found while searching my archives for a particular psych meds anecdote, miss u coffee & tv). i'm thankful that in a hung-over serotonin trough on my flight back from a work trip in mexico recently i rewatched the first three episodes of severance (all that as available) and that this week deborah and i rewatched the rest of it and i don't have anything interesting to say about it but that it was really fucking good (again). i'm thankful that we've started the most recent season of 90 day fiancé and the relationships are as unbelievable as usual (one guy greets his new fiance by bringing her to his dilapidated childhood home (after having pathologically never given him a glimpse on video calls of his actual home) as a kind of test of how materialistic she is).
3. thinking about poetry while coding yesterday in the context of leaving multiline comments and figuring out where the right line break should be (there are many ways that code review is like writing workshop but i didn't realize that my brain is subconsciously also enacting enjambment). i'm thankful that though i have to have the "learning review" (postmortem) meeting for my recent bad bug, yesterday, while doing the pre-writing after spending honestly too long, i finally understood the root cause of the bug in its entirety (whereas before i had just understood that we had stopped it from happening, which to be fair was the most important thing at the time). i'm thankful that it is now a new sprint (sprints are two week segments which are how we organize and track our work) and the tasks i have for it are better segmented and better understood and less likely to balloon in scope than the tasks in my previous sprint. i'm thankful i completed my first task yesterday afternoon and it was easy and i wrote good tests.
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