(fm)

I’m thankful for fresh limes in my vodka soda. I’m thankful for weekends now that I don’t work in a bar. I’m thankful that I will always appreciate how hard bar work is, for the body and for the soul. I’m thankful for trying to be comfortable doing less. I’m thankful that despite feeling guilty about it I am still deeply grateful to be less anxious. I’m thankful that my anxiety still tries to creep in but I am getting better at responding to it (sometimes). I’m thankful for the sunrises I see on early mornings walking up the hill to the bus, streaks of tangerine and rose painting the sky. I’m thankful for the friendly smile of the stranger I see on the bus three times a week, eyes as heavy as mine. I’m thankful that I am finally going to see Moonlight tomorrow, by myself. I’m thankful that I enjoy solo cinema trips now, something that a younger, more insecure me would have found terrifying. I’m thankful for the comfort of fictional worlds where I feel at home no matter how long it is since I’ve visited – especially Stars Hollow and Avonlea. I’m thankful for this flesh and blood city too, beautiful in thick mist or sunshine. I’m thankful for rainy days and wet socks and bad days and dreams that leave you shaken and fear and hopelessness. I’m thankful that those things still make me thankful to be alive. I am thankful for milky cups of tea, homemade shortbread, bookshops, love and laughter. I’m thankful that spring is finally showing its hand and I’m thankful that yesterday it was warm enough to eat lunch in the park on the way home. I’m thankful for the halloumi wraps we ate, salsa dripping from our fingers. I am thankful for this Tinyletter, which makes me think about what I am grateful for every day, good and bad.