(dana)

I’m thankful that I slept in until 12 today. I’m thankful for how blissful it is to have the luxury of sleeping in. I’m thankful that my period is much better and less painful than it was yesterday, ie less like the elevator in The Shining.

I’m thankful that at about 11:30 when I was slowly slowly waking up SB rang me to apologise for ghosting me after we made soft plans to hang out on Saturday.

I’m thankful that due to the time I got out of bed I could have lunch for breakfast and ate two bowls of pasta with red sauce because I was so hungry. I’m thankful for the copious amounts of onion and pepper I cooked with the tinned sauce to make up for its depressing flavour otherwise.

I’m thankful that BC was around and told me about the birthday celebration she went to last night for Prince. I’m thankful that she told me about how she and her friend took the MDMA she’d shown me before, which when I saw it originally I was a bit sceptical about snorting it because of how painful the bigger rocks would be. I’m thankful that she told me they ended up using the back of a spoon to grind it up more and I laughed at that because I’d noticed that we didn’t have a mortar and pestle and wondered how to get around the problem when we needed one. I’m very resistant to buying things that don’t travel well and am just going to settle for smashing garlic with the side of the knife I cut it with.

I’m thankful that after I stuffed my face I finally knocked on CS’ door to ask if he was okay. I’m thankful that he confirmed that he hadn’t left his bedroom for the past two days which is what I thought but couldn’t be sure of. I’m thankful that he told me about how he had been drinking far too much since his ex dumped him which made him miss a day of work because of a hangover which made him worried about his job security etc etc. I’m thankful that I could immediately tell he was ashamed about this and I tried very hard to keep a neutral listening face on instead of showing that I felt sorry for him and kind of just wanted to give him a hug (I’m thankful that it’s too early and would be weird to do this lol, even though I am a person who is very physically affectionate I know that lots of people don’t respond well to these things).

I’m thankful that my first reaction to every single person who tells me about a problem they have is to think about how I can help them and then put energy and time into doing so, which I have learned is sometimes (often) not great. I’m thankful that I resisted doing that with CS. I’m thankful that he must 100% know that the solution is to stop drinking for at least a while and that it would be stupid for me to tell him this.

I’m thankful that I remembered to read more of The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks instead of watching hours of memes on Youtube. I’m thankful for how the grey throw on my bed keeps me very warm by itself while I finish off these notes.

- dana (4/23/17). danaanm.tumblr.com

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