cf previous items
1. i'm thankful that i didn't work any (more) overtime last night to try to get my big project done before the sprint ended even though i "wanted" to (thanks to deborah for talking me through things and gently reinforcing that i should not do that). i feel bad about it i think because i tend to think of my word as having meaning and if i say i'm going to get something done, i'm going to get it done, but i also know that i couldn't have worked any harder than i already worked and there just weren't enough hours to complete it. i also know that ethically it's shitty for me to work more time because i can when other coworkers' life circumstances (kids etc.) doesn't allow them that same freedom to exploit themselves off the clock. (but i also know that sometimes my mind just needs to be able to close the loop on a problem, to see the gears click into place and the machine animated by my labor, working before my eyes, and sometimes i feel like i need to give in to that, to find a way to sustain that excitement and connection without letting it curdle)
2. i'm thankful that (barring the occasional emo friendship moment) almost all of my problems and stresses have to do with work, that my relationship with deborah is so good, that i have rich and meaningful friendships, that everyone in my life is happy and healthy and financially secure, that i feel artistically productive and fulfilled, that our house is nice and we have plenty of space and air conditioning and hot water, that we eat delicious food of our own choosing all the time (sometimes too much but again champagne problems). and i'm thankful to recognize that the problems and stresses i have with work are (outside of the general problems of living in late capitalism) in large part of my own making (in the sense that work's general policies and culture are very friendly as far as work goes and also everyone is happy with my performance except me), and it sucks that i am making/exacerbating these problems but it's also nice because them being my problems means that i have the power to change them.
3. i'm thankful that though i could not force myself to get out of bed and go running first thing this morning, which i know would make me happy and feel good (i skipped my run yesterday to grind on work) that's okay and i can do it later. i'm thankful that though the wrong sound card was inadvertantly selected and so the hours of recordings i made of us jamming on molly turned out to be completely and permanently silent (save for a moment at the very end of the tape where i played a karaoke version of "don't get me wrong" by the pretenders on youtube for us to sing along to and since that was on the right sound card it recorded that but not us singing along to it, just the backing track), the temperature was cool enough yesterday evening that we could jam again in the attic and actually capture that. the dating show swiping america on max, which is what we've been watching during dinner. the premise of the show is that four new yorkers who are having trouble finding partners go to different cities around the US and do app dating and i wasn't into it at first (too polished and slick, not nearly enough drama) we continued watching it off inertia and i'm kind of back in (even though it's still not very dramatic, i feel a certain amount of connection to the characters, who seem smarter and more decent than the usual dating show contestants). i made tomato poached fish for dinner the last two nights, which every time i make it always makes me thankful for chloe whose stanning for the recipe got me to make it (and alison roman who wrote it in the first place). i think i've nailed down my variation, which is that the base grain is air fried supermarket gnocchi (coat with oil, do ~20 minutes at 400, tossing occasionally) and i don't do the thing of cooking the shallots and garlic in the oil and then removing them and adding them back after, i just cook them with a bit less oil and then add the tomatoes right on top with a lid ready to block initial oil/liquid splatters (and then garnish at the end with pre-fried shallots from h-mart) and also i think if you have them cherry tomatoes (halved) cook faster and have a slightly nicer texture than whole tomatoes (though i used whole tomatoes last night and it was also great). the base recipe is for four but i usually do two separate batches on two nights, halving the fish and reducing the amount of water but leaving the other proportions basically the same (though maybe it keeps great and i'm just making more work for myself, cf previous items above and forever)
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