c(7)

i'm thankful for the hard week i had last week. i'm thankful for the fact that i managed to escape some of the feelings that so weighed me down last week: the feelings of helplessness and an overwhelming amount of work i had to accomplish. i'm thankful i managed to get the work i needed to get done done, as well as realize that the work i had was not nearly as time consuming as i had feared.

i'm thankful i went to services friday and afterward hung out with a group of friends. i'm thankful they too agreed that the week had been bad. i'm thankful when i finally told them the worst detail of my week they were sympathetic and told me to make sure i take care of myself. i'm thankful that i am.

i'm thankful for feeling of crying. i'm thankful i don't feel it often, and i'm thankful that sometimes when i want to feel it i cannot.

i'm thankful today i had the thought while i was walking to my study place, 'i should call my mom.' i'm thankful i did as i hadn't talked to her for a few weeks. i'm thankful she could tell i was off and probed. i'm thankful that despite me telling her i didn't want to go into it, she pressed further and that i did. i'm thankful there was no one on the sidewalk near me as i cried, continuing to walk. i'm thankful i don't usually talk to my mom about matters i consider private, but i'm thankful to have talked with her about guys in the past—even if on one of the three occasions i was drunk. i'm thankful for her lack of strong advice, as that's not what i was looking for. i'm thankful for her concern for me, "he didn't hurt you, did he?" i'm thankful for the concern mothers can have, even when if it's misdirected. i'm thankful i told my mother i loved her, because i'd not told her such a thing in over a year. i'm thankful to think that maybe now it will be easier to tell my mother i love her.

i'm thankful for the dog i saw on the metro this morning. i'm thankful for how we stared at one another for almost his entire ride before his visually-impaired owner got off the train. i'm thankful for pets even if i stand by my longstanding hypothesis that people only get pets whenever something's wrong.

i'm thankful for a year of these notes even if i haven't been reading them for quite that long.

i'm thankful for today, and thankful to think that feelings are temporary and that with time shift and morph so that the unpleasurable eventually reach a state of pleasure, or at least reflection, and reflection is a pleasurable thing.

- c (11/06/2016).
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