at least for now
1. i spent a lot of time grinding my brain against a series of engineering problems throughout the afternoon yesterday but kept pushing myself (/ pulling my hair which i've learned is a stress response behavior when it's long enough so i try to keep it short) and eventually came out the other side victorious (i really hope i haven't looked to see what the QA person said yet), but late for making dinner for d and i, and as i was wrapping up, d came in and rather than being annoyed or something just asked how long until i was going to be done, which i assumed was because she was trying to decide whether there was time to take a shower before dinner while i finished and i said that i was really truly just finishing (and this was actually really true sometimes it isn't even if i might think it is in the moment💀) and when i got up a minute later and went into the kitchen i found that she had already made and started assembling the dinner i thought i was about to have to start to make (BLTs) and understood that she had asked because she didn't want to put the tomatoes on the sandwich too early to keep things from getting soggy. it was an excellent BLT but even if it wasn't i still would have been grateful.
2. after d fell asleep last night, i did the dishes that had built up while watching an episode of the office on my phone propped on top of the dish drying rack instead of putting the task off until this morning, when i would have found a reason (which might only be "i slept in a little bit" or "i looked at my phone too long after breakfast and now it's time for work" or "i am trying to write these thank you notes every day to improve my mental health") to put it off until later (which will often result in her just doing the task while waiting for me to come back and complete it, which is never my conscious intention but i understand how i put her in the situation see item 1). i'm thankful sometimes to put tasks off until later (since most tasks can be put off and some tasks are meaningless or stupid and task lists never end so sometimes prioritization is all we can do) but i'm also thankful to complete them, both for the effect on others and on myself.Â
3. my motorized standing desk, which i bought like 6 years ago and used all the time every day for a long time (moderation not being my strong suit) until i got until a point at my last job when i was really stressed out and near breakdown on a daily basis and then while grinding my brain against a series of engineering problems i lowered the height and sat down one day instead of standing and was like "wow this is easier when i'm sitting down, i guess that's why people do it huh!" after we moved to portland, the height adjustment of the desk stopped working when i put it back together (probably badly—what i love about writing code is that it's all words and ideas and not the perfect tightening and alignment of little metal screws). i'm thankful that this resulted in me switching things up and leaning in to (leaning out of) using an ikea recliner as my desk chair, which has been great the past few years but now i want a change in the hope that it might make me marginally happier or healthier and so on sunday while cleaning my office and pondering whether i would take apart and put back together the desk i tried bringing it to standing height again and at least for now it just works (i'm thankful extensive experience in technical support and engineering has helped me to know that it's always possible that turning something off and back on / trying it "one more time" even after you've tried it a bunch of other times, will lead to a non-working thing working, at least for now).
3. my motorized standing desk, which i bought like 6 years ago and used all the time every day for a long time (moderation not being my strong suit) until i got until a point at my last job when i was really stressed out and near breakdown on a daily basis and then while grinding my brain against a series of engineering problems i lowered the height and sat down one day instead of standing and was like "wow this is easier when i'm sitting down, i guess that's why people do it huh!" after we moved to portland, the height adjustment of the desk stopped working when i put it back together (probably badly—what i love about writing code is that it's all words and ideas and not the perfect tightening and alignment of little metal screws). i'm thankful that this resulted in me switching things up and leaning in to (leaning out of) using an ikea recliner as my desk chair, which has been great the past few years but now i want a change in the hope that it might make me marginally happier or healthier and so on sunday while cleaning my office and pondering whether i would take apart and put back together the desk i tried bringing it to standing height again and at least for now it just works (i'm thankful extensive experience in technical support and engineering has helped me to know that it's always possible that turning something off and back on / trying it "one more time" even after you've tried it a bunch of other times, will lead to a non-working thing working, at least for now).
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