(ac)(2)

i'm thankful that even from the depths of my confusion right now i can still see how blessed i am

i'm thankful that even though i've only been in israel for thirty-one (31) days it has felt like so much longer

i'm thankful that even though i could only be present physically here with n for eleven (11) days, it felt like so much longer and that is a good thing

i'm thankful that even though n has been away from me physically for only nineteen (19) days, it feels like so much longer and that is a good thing

i'm thankful that even though n has only been at uchicago for two (2) days, it feels like so much longer and that is a good thing

i'm thankful for the realisation that the last time i was in this gd-forsaken overflow terminal in tel aviv waiting for a plane it was when i was leaving n for the very first time. i'm thankful that in my time sat here waiting for my plane which has been delayed and delayed i've had crises about n and about returning to london and about starting camb

i'm thankful that sat here i've remembered how it was in this hall that i christened n my "i don't know what", and i'm thankful that one day you're dreaming and the next day that dream becomes reality

i'm thankful for mincha, maariv, and the power of ritual prayer, and i'm thankful to know that some things are out of our control

i'm thankful that as i write this i haven't thought once about the scans i'm returning for, i haven't thought about the fact that in a couple of days my life could look very different. i'm thankful to be aware that to have had cancer is to live with two neighbours: hypervigilance and denial, but to not let this define me

- ac (9/17/17). https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=OqBuXQLR4Y8