9/3

not feeling guilty when i don't do these, just feeling glad when i do

feel behind because i didn't work on monday, yet still glad i didn't work on monday

peeling a mandarin orange in one piece, the way the sprawled involuted stretch of it reminds me of texture maps, of the oddity of flattening a body on a piece of paper

d took the bus for the first time and went to a women in tech meetup

barbecue at a friend's house, the sun set beyond high fences, everyone loved d's raspberry ricotta cake

thinking back over conversations and recognizing the moments when i am too glib and shallow and fast and should learn to appreciate space and air

this from niina polaari's newsletter (https://tinyletter.com/sadreads): "It isn’t about chronicling, about accuracy—it’s about being human. Our memories change with each retelling, like a game of telephone, and so what? They’re changing because they're alive, they're changing because we’re changing, and they’re coming with us into the future. If all we are is what we remember, then let the things we remember be ever evolving."

went for a run this morning which wasn't really that good of a run but also a summer morning run is so lovely that even a not that good one is still pretty magical, soak it in

this live performance of "lover" (https://youtu.be/G4I6PhHbH7o) and how someone, i think joe coscarelli, on the nyt popcast (https://www.nytimes.com/2019/08/27/arts/music/popcast-taylor-swift-lover.html) made me realize the other reason i love "lover" so much (besides its aformentioned debt to "the weight") is that it's basically rilo kiley

also from that podcast, mentioned in connection with the aesthetic of "the archer", "summer games" by drake (https://open.spotify.com/track/4HG1YiGBseVKzjyKcmAJen?nd=1), which i did not listen to much last summer but which is big and smooth and good, and caryn ganz making the remark that some bands are like bad religion, which can only make one song, but it's a great song

watching lana's video (https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=LrSX_OcpeJg) for my favorite song (except then i listen to another song and that's my favorite) on norman fucking rockwell, "the greatest," which has maybe some of my not so favorite lyrics on nfr but is just so abbey road piano bass rising major and then the sudden vocal fluorish in the chorus, which feels like the vocal equivalent of a race car charging out from behind a flag, a roaring promenade

getting frequent caroline calloway updates from d and fantasizing about being a scammer, which is a fun fantasy because i think at heart i really would love to be a scammer and get in touch with my scammiest side but i couldn't actually pull it off without breaking down, but i want to be the person who could do that

recognizing the moments when i am too glib and shallow and fast

age of ambition by evan osnos

capers and lox and cream cheese and onion and bagel for dinner (also those ritz crisps in the sour cream and onion flavor, which have a really good msg/acid balance)

i have not gotten bored with oatmeal despite eating it for a longer stretch than i usually eat oatmeal and get bored with it in (and despite it being too hot to really be eating oatmeal right now)