8/2

i'm thankful that yesterday evening d and i walked to town to have dinner with our friends who are getting married. i'm thankful that it was still sunny and warm out and though we had to rush a bit to not be too late and got a bit sweaty, it was still very nice weather and a very nice walk. i'm thankful that on the walk i was telling d about how good i have been feeling this week and about how i don't know exactly what's making me feel good, which makes me worry that one of those things that is contributing to the feeling might fall away and leave me feeling bad again, but that i am, in any respect, very grateful that i do feel good now, whatever the cause. i'm thankful that i have an appointment with my psychiatrist tomorrow at what is the year anniversary of me going to the psychiatrist because i felt prozac wasn't effective enough anymore and after that year and trying like 8 different medications i am back on prozac again and feeling good, which is so ridiculous in a lot of ways, and makes me think "how would the last year have been if i hadn't made that choice to start trying other things, could i have saved myself so much suffering" and something i know some people might feel bitter about, but as i said to d, i am so happy to feel good and in this good feeling state my perspective is like "well that was all part of the journey to me getting here and feeling good" and looking back at the year it was a year, even though there were many stretches of me feeling bad, where lots of really good things happened and i grew in many different ways. i'm thankful for that, and thankful to mark down here how i'm feeling good so that the next time i feel bad i know that it's possible for that to change, even if i don't know how or why that might happen exactly. i'm thankful that yesterday evening we treated our friends to a nice dinner and we sat outside together for a long time as the sun set.