8/19/17
i'm thankful that since i had the day off on friday since i have to do a weekend support shift tomorrow, d was also able to take the day off yesterday so we could have a full weekend together. i'm thankful that we slept very late and then had a leisurely morning in bed. i'm thankful that eventually we went to the mall, where d bought a navy-blue top for a photo shoot during her company reunion next week and i got a new pair of running shoes with better heel support than the beat-down old ones i've been wearing too long.
i'm thankful that we went to the grocery store and though it was crowded because this week is move-in week for the university, it wasn't unbearable. i'm thankful that salmon was on sale so i got that for dinner last night. i'm thankful for the fresh peaches and nectarines and blackberries and bananas we bought, since we had been out of fruit for several days and i was feeling the deprivation. i'm thankful that i have convenient and affordable access to fresh fruits and vegetables, which i know is not true for many people.
i'm thankful that though i am still a bit phlegmy, i'm no longer feverish or sore or exhausted or clogged or coughing painfully and generally feel better. i'm thankful that today is day 5 of my new antidepressant. i'm thankful that the worse side effects i've experienced so far are some waves of nausea yesterday, not being able to have an orgasm (despite having some great sex), and some occasional spikes of dread and anxiety (which i was really already having anyway). i'm thankful for side effects, which are a demonstration that this mysterious drug is doing something to me, and am thankful to be hopeful that they don't worsen/that they pass soon.
i'm thankful to feel sentimental about the levels of prozac in my bloodstream slowly diminishing as i transition to the new drug. i'm thankful to feel sentimental about that drug, whose presence made it possible for me to make huge positive changes in my life (getting married, finding a new job and then another (finding a career), joining the band, learning to write again after stopping completely). i'm thankful, even though it was painful, that i got low enough that trying it seemed like the only option left for continuing to stay alive and i'm thankful it made it possible for me to actually live, not just stay alive.
i'm thankful to catch up on magazines that i missed while i was out of town. i'm thankful for the fashion issue of new york, especially for craig jenkins' review of the new tyler the creator album. i'm thankful for the new lorde performance videos for "hard feelings/loveless" and "homemade dynamite," which are intimate clips that feel like they capture in song what the best of a summer evening can be. i'm thankful for the new grizzly bear album, which we are listening to in the background of our bedroom as i write these notes. i'm thankful for the video for jay-z's "moonlight," which has great sharp corners.
i'm thankful for the first two episodes of the new season of insecure, which were great. i'm thankful for the habanero novelty oreo flavor that they invented for the show (i'm thankful when others share my interests). i'm thankful that we also watched the first couple of episodes of the first season of keeping up with the kardashians (i'm thankful that the first 13 seasons are on hulu plus), which was so quaint and simple and old-fashioned that i was honestly touched by it. i'm thankful that you can see the germ of the show that it will eventually become in it and the characters who the kardashians will become, but it's so unpolished and small and homespun—i'm thankful that in it the kardashians basically feel like normal people.
i'm thankful that the movie bourne was on HBO and i tried to watch it but stopped like five minutes in after d made a scarily apt comparison to threat level midnight which helped crystalize what a terrible movie it was. i'm thankful to have been reading command and control, which is gripping and terrifying. i'm thankful that the new laurent binet book is out in english. i'm thankful for the number 3. i'm thankful that jean got married to someone she loves. i'm thankful for various stages of rain. i'm thankful for the mundane, which is to be cherished.
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