7/24
i'm thankful to remind myself of the reason that i started these notes, which is to remember things i appreciated or appreciate things i remember. i'm thankful to remind myself of the goal, which is that focusing on those specific things is a defense against "bad days," not that i can prevent days where i feel bad or where bad things happen, but as a way of using those little specific moments to put into relief the large and abstract feeling that i am "having a bad day," and remind myself that even when i feel bad in a larger sense, there are lots of moments where i can also feel good.
i'm thankful that though yesterday at work was a monday and it really felt like a monday, i did my primary work well and helped customers, and i'm thankful that some of them expressed their gratitude to me in ways that i appreciated. i'm thankful that i DMed the kind engineer about the bad vibes in our session last week, describing what i thought might have been the problems making him feel frustrated and asking how i can improve, which was really stressful to send (i wrote the message friday morning but waited until yesterday) but which led to a really great conversation where he was able to explain how he was frustrated (which i'm thankful that i wasn't imagining it) but it didn't have to do with my actions and we talked about ways to handle our work together in the future which left me feeling very positive and grateful for him. i'm thankful that i finished the day getting the tiny API i am building for a project up and running.
i'm thankful that i got a text yesterday morning from cvs that they had filled my prescription for my antidepressant, a process which i though was going to take several more phone calls to them and my pharmacy. i'm thankful my poison ivy has stopped aching, even though that has meant that it has started itching. i'm thankful to d for applying and reapplying hydrocortisone cream to the patch of it on my back that i can't quite reach. i'm thankful that though the itchiness woke me up several times in the night, i was able to go back to sleep each time, even if in my sleep i was dreaming that i was in some post-apocalyptic world. i'm thankful that blueberries were on sale so i have been having them in my cheerios every morning—i'm thankful in fallow months for bananas in cheerios, but i'm thankful for the superiority of blueberries, which have a brightness never present in bananas. i'm thankful for bananas, though, and for the way that the plastic wrap around their stems hopefully keeps them from ripening too fast. i'm thankful that though the frozen fish in the fridge didn't defrost as quickly as it was supposed to, we just had to cook it a bit longer (i'm thankful to d for doing that). i'm thankful for aluminum foil. i'm thankful to get to talk with d about our days while we finish prepping dinner and i'm thankful to get to watch mad men with her while we eat it.
i'm thankful for this twitter ad for a novelty wallet which made me laugh, in part because of the silly music. i'm thankful for this video about two-in-one shampoo. i'm thankful that yesterday evening i was in a Twitter Mood; i'm thankful for the way that sometimes that app can interface so perfectly with what my brain wants to be, even if at other times i can get so tired of it, which i tried to capture with a metaphor about seltzer. i'm thankful to have had the opportunity to think about the effects of emoji on arousal. i'm thankful to try to live like the electric guitar chord at the 1:20 mark of haim’s “right now” was playing in the background (listen). i
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