7/10
i'm thankful while writing this morning to be watching d work through a multi-stage boss fight against a giant cobra in an cavernous underground temple. i'm thankful she wasn't able to beat the boss last night, even though that was frustrating for her, because i am getting to watch it now. i'm thankful she temporarily knocked the difficulty down to easy, which is something that i do in difficult boss fights when it's possible. i'm thankful for the glowing bow she is using to launch arrows at it as it writhes around columns and statuary littering the temple and snaps at her. i'm thankful that when her arrows hit, they eat away at the life bar for the boss, which is displayed at the top of the screen. i'm thankful for how she, in the last stage of the boss fight, when the snake can destroy the ground you're standing on, figured out how to use a giant statue as cover. i'm thankful that she just beat the boss and reentered the "normal game."
i'm thankful for this description of the brief agony of a video game boss that isn't actually dead and also to have learned from this that in the uncharted games, what you think is a health bar is actually a "luck" bar, and it's not measuring how much damage you can take before you die, but instead how long you can continue to avoid taking damage in the first place.
i'm thankful that though i have felt poorly lately, this is not permanent. i'm thankful that though i feel that i have not been as charming and friendly and open and ready to talk as i like to think of myself as being, i will be like that again eventually and people will appreciate it and people will remember that i was like that in the past. i'm thankful that though i have been spending most evenings in vegged-out recovery mode rather than "accomplishing" things, that's okay and i don't need to turn my free time into another job and in fact need to actively resist my habit-loving brain's desire to do that (while at the same time leaving open a space for hobbies that bring me joy from process, not just product). i'm thankful that i am meeting my work goals at my actual job and that my manager is happy with my performance and that i should therefore try my best to not stress myself out about how i'm doing. i'm thankful that though i sometimes question the logic of having a job which is about solving problems that are too hard for other people to solve and get nostalgic about my job at the university, where everything was always within my grasp, i appreciate that the challenge of my job is associated with status and security and a sense of progression.
i'm thankful for this bit from the fancy personality test i took for professional development at work (Possible Stress Reactions When Needs Are Not Met: exaggerated moods, tendency to worry, feelings of hopelessness") which, yep, it me, and i'm thankful also for this bit ("Your self-confidence can hide your very real need to be in situations and surroundings that do not place unrealistic demands on your abilities. Also, your relationships should be emotionally supportive and non-punishing") which gets me, sure, but also made me laugh because shouldn't everyone's relationships ideally be "non-punishing"? like could i have answered the questions differently in such a way that it came out with "You thrive when relationships are emotionally abusive and punishing"? i'm thankful that for whatever the various problems i have inside of my mind to deal with, my relationships are non-punishing.
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