6/7/16
i'm thankful that i have a doctor's appointment this afternoon, even though going to the doctor makes me feel very anxious. i'm thankful that i can afford to go to the doctor and that i have good health insurance and i can get out of work in the middle of the afternoon without it being a big deal, which are things that are not true for lots of people. i'm thankful that though my doctor's office is on the other side of town i can bike there and if it rains i can take a lyft there.
i'm thankful to know that i don't need to feel anxious about the doctor even if that doesn't make me not feel anxious about going to the doctor. i'm thankful that i am seeing a new doctor for the first time today since my old doctor is moving out of state. i'm thankful that though my old doctor was fine and a pleasant person, we didn't really have a connection and i never felt like she was so that her absence doesn't feel like a loss. i'm thankful to wish her the best in all of her future endeavors. i'm thankful that though my new doctor is not technically a doctor but a nurse practitioner, i'm not really anxious about that in particular, and i'm thankful to see her, since the earliest i could get in with a new actual doctor at the same practice was september.
i'm thankful to try to think about the worst things that could happen, which i guess is the doctor telling me there is something seriously wrong with me that i didn't know about. i'm thankful to know that even if that happens, which it most likely won't, that would still just make it good that i went to the doctor today even though i was anxious and she was able to find it out and begin to treat it instead of it continuing to get worse without us knowing about it. i'm thankful that knowledge is power. i'm thankful that i am going to make sure to get a referral for the annual ultrasound of my heart, which i am behind on, and to ask for the name of the cardiologist i was referred to before, who i really liked.
i'm thankful to make a list of the things i take in advance so that i don't have to relay it aloud to the nurse. i'm thankful, daily, for fluoxetine 20mg, fluoxetine 10mg, amitryptiline 50mg, cetirizine 10mg, fish oil 2400 mg, super b complex 250mg, zinc 50mg, calcium XR 1000mg, magnesium 600 mg, probiotic/digestive enzymes a number of mg i don't want to have to add up this early in the morning so i will just write "1 pill". i'm thankful, occasionally and during peak allergy season frequently, for benadryl. i'm thankful because i never can remember my height at the doctor's office that i looked up old notes from 2/14/16 and found out that it is 5'6". i'm thankful to know that my weight may be up a bit from the last time i checked it and to be okay with that and know that i'm working on eating less sweets and i am very active.
i'm thankful to wonder if one of the physician's assistants who i got chummy with during the period where i was going to the doctor's office very regularly while finding the right dose for my antidepressants and trying to figure out what was wrong with my stomach still works there and to hope that if i do that i get to see her. i'm thankful to have always appreciated her smile and cheery demeanor and as time went on how she remembered things about me and i remembered things about her and that made both of us happy. i'm thankful that i may try upping my antidepressant dosage today to see if that makes an appreciable difference to how i handle the stresses of my life.
i'm thankful to try to get to the doctor's office early but not too early, since being late makes me anxious about my blood pressure because it's high from biking across town but when i sit in the waiting room for too long i get anxious thinking about my impending doctor's appointment and that makes it high. i'm thankful for the combination of relief/fear i feel when the physician's assistant finally opens the door to the waiting room and calls my name. i'm thankful to try to feel more relief than fear today. i'm thankful i have a doctor's appointment this afternoon.
Don't miss what's next. Subscribe to thank you notes: