5/27

i'm thankful that today at lunch d asked me "do you think you'll ever write thank you notes again?" and i paused, and thought, because i unsubscribed her from them when she was in the hospital because i didn't want her to come out and have them waiting in her inbox but i also i needed this outlet for my feelings, and then time went on, spring, and we got better together, our relationship got better, and i wasn't afraid anymore in the way i had been afraid the night when i unsubscribed her but i still was afraid, on some level, i guess, and i wanted to tell her and felt bad about not telling her but i also was afraid of messing things up just as they were getting good, even though as time went on it weighed on me more and more heavily, to be keeping these from her, and anyway at lunch today d asked me "do you think you'll ever write thank you notes again" and i paused, and thought, and then told her that i had been writing them off and on but had unsubscribed her when she was in the hopsital because i didn't want her to come out and have them waiting in her inbox but i also needed this outlet for my feelings and i could resubscribe her now and send her the ones she didn't read and she thought about it and said okay and i held her and we kissed and then we went on talking about whatever silly lunch things we were talking about and i'm thankful for that, and for her.