5/22

i'm thankful to have finished doing open enrollment for my insurance last night, which is a weight off even if it took a long time and is not how i would have preferred to spend my monday evening. i'm thankful for the hilarious contrast between the contemporary polished ux of the benefit company's main site and the archaic abomination of the sub-site they use for making open enrollment declarations. i'm thankful that my employer subsidizes a generous portion of a good health insurance plan for me. i'm thankful that though i was disappointed when i found out the quoted premiums were per every (two week) pay period instead of per month and and that this was going to make it not a good decision for us to put d on my insurance as a dependent, which we were excited about since my insurance is better than her insurance, she still has pretty good insurance and we have savings to cover us in the event of an emergency. i'm thankful for the deeply weird error message i got when trying to switch her from life insurance beneficiary to dependent and enrollee ("You have already claimed a Spouse as a beneficiary. Please go to the "Beneficiary Setup" page and "Delete" your old Spouse. Then, return to here and enter your new Spouse"), which feels like a little george saunders story. i'm thankful, remembering periods when i was a kid and my dad was between jobs and so we were between insurance and my mom would say, half joking/half anxious, "be extra careful!" to my brother and i. i'm thankful to recognize that this memory, combined with my anxiety of poverty and generalized hypochondria, has me buy more insurance than i need (as a person with a heart defect and mental health issues who is otherwise healthy) since that feels less scary than ending up with less than i need, and i'm thankful that i can afford to indulge my fears to a certain extent. i'm thankful, for now at least, to not have to be afraid for money reasons when i go to the doctor (since i have plenty of other reasons i am afraid). i'm thankful to hope that in the next few years we elect legislators and a president who make it so going to the doctor without having to be afraid of costs isn't just a privilege enjoyed by a minority of knowledge workers like me, but something that is equally shared.