4/4
i'm thankful that though i had a crappy day at work yesterday, i know that a crappy day is just that, one day. i'm thankful that though i had hoped that i would finally be done with the project i've been working on for a long time and would get to demo it at our team meeting and release it and spent the afternoon in a panic trying to get to that point, the person who schedules the team meeting forgot to put me down for a slot and there wasn't time and also over the course of the afternoon several bugs i hadn't anticipated popped up that need to be fixed before i can release it. i'm thankful that the former is whatever (though it sucks that i will have to be anxious all over again about the demo next week) but the latter really sucks because i just want this project to be over and it feels like i am never going to escape it.
i'm thankful to know that that's catastrophizing, though, and i'm thankful that as an exercise to push back against that ballooning abstract dread, i made a list of the things that i have to do to clear up the problems that emerged yesterday so that i can release it and the list is not that long, only three items, and i know i'm capable of handling each of the problems on the list. i'm thankful that though that doesn't make it feel any less sucky to once again miss a (self-imposed) deadline (i never asked for an extension for anything in school ever or had issues like this and it makes me feel ashamed to have missed multiple deadlines on this project), it does make me feel a bit better. i'm thankful for the opportunity to recognize that this is a really good lesson in minimizing the planned scope of projects and preventing that scope from growing as the project goes on, which are two things i didn't do on this project that have resulted in it becoming so unmanageable. i'm thankful to try really really really hard to remind myself of this so that i don't do it again.
i'm thankful that after my crappy day, we had burritos and watched terrace house, which helped me feel a bit better. i'm thankful that d did an enormous sinkful of dirty dishes. i'm thankful for the slow tv panacea that is hyori's b&b, a show about folding laundry, eating chocolate with friends, and biting your tongue. i'm thankful for yoga, which i have been doing diligently and which i don't know what or how much effect it has on my mental health but has made me feel better about my body (which is an effect on my mental health, i guess). i'm thankful that before bed, i started reading the lathe of heaven, which i had never read and which is great so far. i'm thankful for the way a caption can add a new layer of meaning to a video or image (another example). i'm thankful to have learned another way to thread a needle.
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