3/17/20
i'm thankful to accept myself for the imperfect human that i am but also to know that the near perpetual state of bitchy misanthropy i have been finding myself wearing lately in my interactions (and non-interactions) with a world i normally love is not the way i have to feel, it is a way i continue to choose to let myself feel, however much it feels like it's a reaction to things outside of my control, and i'm thankful to know behind the boss of my bitchy misanthropic self is this ugly little feeling that everyone else is over there bonding over the experience of existential dread and how it really makes you think about community and human connection, like really actually experiencing that, and i am just by myself outside in the dark, because i am not good at feeling the mass feeling authentically and am jealous of how easy it seems to come to others and how it bonds them, this has always been my (extremely privileged! dumb!) problem and this is where d would say something about me being a scorpio lol, but anyway i'm tired of it and of myself, but cannot get out of myself, which is why i have to find a way for myself to change, i guess, even though that can feel like such a lift. i'm thankful to write about it, at least, as always, and i'm thankful to hope i will be (not try to be, though i will also try to be, but really just to be, without trying) more empathetic and friendly tomorrow than i was today.
i'm thankful for geoff dyer, who is my favorite cranky writer and one of the few people who makes it kind of charming, a feat that is often beyond me.
i'm thankful to have finally watched the greta gerwig little women, which short of one small blemish (bob odenkirk as the dad, sorry, i'm sure he's a nice person but it's just distracting casting) was pretty fucking perfect and warm and lovely and i loved it. i'm thankful that because i never read the book (though i had gleaned bits from various allusions over the years), the story was the first time for me and it felt rich and resonant, like christmas breakfast. i'm thankful to have the soundtrack to listen to now and maybe i'll also read the book, but maybe i'll also just let this representation be the only one that owns the images in my mind.
i'm thankful for this tiktok kh sent me of an amazing kourtney kardashian impression.
i'm thankful a coworker seemed interested in parallel lives.
i'm thankful for c's email signature, which is "Hottest regards, Claire Carusillo", and for the most recent episode of her podcast.
i'm thankful for d's fluency with language and for her specific use of the phrase "acutely aware" earlier.
i'm thankful for sundubu, which is one of the first dishes that made me appreciate tofu, a food i often struggle with.
i'm thankful that after watching a half hour's worth of recap videos trying to remember and understand what happened in the last two seasons of westworld and to have then watched the first new episode, which was entertaining, despite slightly distracting casting of aaron paul and even if i also will probably need a recap video to help me understand it fully. i'm thankful for complicated pseudo-spiritual metaphysical lore.
i'm thankful to have eaten a lot of cold red grapes and also to share the knowledge that grapes are really toxic for dogs, which is something i did not know and never would have guessed!
i'm thankful that d in the other room is singing "you are my sunshine" to miso while wiping her paws.
i'm thankful to have heard from jk for the first time in a long time.
Don't miss what's next. Subscribe to thank you notes: