1/7/19

 

i'm thankful for the deeper travel of my personal computer keyboard, which i haven't typed on in a while, the bass shwump of it versus the thin clicks on the one i use for work.

 

i'm thankful that i had a bad day at work today, if only because that brings into relief how many good days at work i had leading up to today, and how it was not an apocalyptically bad day, just a normal bad one like everybody has some of the time.

 

i'm thankful to recognize that it felt like a worse day than it really was  in the moment because i did a lot of work on sunday afternoon, way too much work, and i did not go running or experience leisure in other ways, which was a mistake, because i went into today already depleted and so when the bad day started, i had fewer emotional reserves to handle it.

 

i'm thankful i told my manager that i needed to stop to take a long break in the middle of the day so i could exercise, which is something i wouldn't normally do, just sinking more time into trying to dig out of the bad day, but i felt in the moment like i had disrespected myself so much by working on the weekend that it was okay to ask for the time.

 

i'm thankful that i did handle the bad day, and at the end of it even had a few nice moments, like when i figured out exactly what the source of a customer's problem was, because i saw a detail that everyone else missed. i'm thankful that i am generally successful at work and that i find what my job is becoming to be increasingly fulfilling, even though right now i am in a sometimes difficult liminal phase of it.

 

i'm thankful for our dog miso, even though before we had her, it felt much easier to grab the time and space to write these notes. i'm thankful, even though she is a difficult dog sometimes, that i love her, and that when i had a bad day today, i felt happy to embrace her. i'm thankful she sleeps in our bed now, which was the thing i was most resistant to about having a dog and which it turns out is really not that bad.

 

i'm thankful that though it is harder to find the time and space to write these notes with the added routines that she has brought to our lives, that is okay, because life both is and isn't going to be the same thing forever. i'm thankful that though d had a much harder day at work than i did, she was able to help me by talking to me and i was able to help her by talking to her. i'm thankful that she has some really good friends now and that her life is enriched by her relationships with them.
 

i'm thankful that though i hate entering public spaces and having to interact with strangers in them, we have taken her to the dog park three times in the last two weeks, and i'm thankful for how happy it makes her to run. i'm thankful to hope that if we can get her more comfortable running, she might someday run with me or d. 

 

i'm thankful that though i am in the slump of the winter where it feels so hard to make myself run, i know that will eventually end. i'm thankful that next week i'll be in new orleans and it will be warmer (and i'm thankful it wasn't even that cold today, i took miso out after work in a t-shirt and sweatpants). i'm thankful for the sun.

 

i'm thankful for the frozen falafel we bought from the grocery store, which we have been having this week with tzatziki and a tomato, onion, and cucumber salad in pitas. i'm thankful for our toaster oven. i'm thankful to cut some corners to allow me to get to others. i'm thankful for the boxes of see's candy that d's parents sent us that was leftover from the bulk buy they made for church. i'm thankful that there have been so many good mandarin oranges lately (and i'm thankful for the dried mandarin oranges my parents sent us for christmas).

 

i'm thankful for taylor swift's "getaway car," which is the song i have been listening to the most recently since we watched the live concert special (i'm thankful for the sonic bombas of the rearrangements and the tacky spectacle of the staging), even though it is a ridiculous song (i'm thankful for ridiculous things. 

 

i'm thankful for nk jemisin's broken earth trilogy, which i devoured over the holidays and cannot recommend highly enough if you're at all open to fantasy.

 

i'm thankful for the marie kondo netflix show, even though most of the people who are on it are annoying and need actual therapy and the production choices are making such a hard sell, because through the shell of the show the weird sprightliness (and sprite-liness) of marie kondo continues to break through and i love her. i'm thankful for these weird videos of a person building a city.

 

i'm thankful to get over the hump of that thing where you don't write for a while and then you do. i'm thankful to have taken some time to talk to you. i'm thankful to type a new year in the subject line.