i'm thankful for the difference between the search string "turtle masturbating," the search string "turtle ejaculating," and the search string "turtle coming," since one of my all-time-favorite internet videos and one of the only animal-related videos in my personal internet video pantheon is this one of a turtle masturbating itself to completion against a patio while middle-aged southern people watch and comment on it (and also, in a parallel track, on the use of technology and the difficulty of how they will share the video of the turtle masturbating with each other) and i don't know how i originally found this video, i don't normally care for animal videos very much and this was not something i would have sought out, but i watched it and i enjoyed it and then forgot about it, as i do about most things, and then at a certain point i was reminded of it and i tried to find it again using the search string "turtle masturbating" and the search string "turtle ejaculating" and i couldn't find it and i worried that, like so much internet ephemera, it had been lost forever and i wouldn't get to see it again or share it with other people but i was mentioning this in a group chat yesterday and i tried searching with the search string "turtle coming" and it was the top result for that query and i will warn you that it is really really (really) gross but also (imo) sublime and fascinating and funny and you can watch it here happy friday.