12/2/15
i'm thankful for the excellent run that i had at lunch today. i'm thankful that the tall, thin, incredibly fast jamaican guy who always smokes everybody was there and i'm thankful that i kept him from passing me for several laps, the two of us running in sync, side by side. i'm thankful that a little while after he eventually did zoom past me, he slowed to a jog and i passed him at a slightly faster jog and gave him a thumbs up and told him how he was killing it and he smiled and said that i was keeping up with him. i'm thankful how i ran into him later outside the locker room and we smiled and told each other to have a good day.
i'm thankful, in general, for how much more comfortable i feel with making small talk and interacting with people now than i was when i was younger. i'm thankful that, in fact, i often enjoy these conversations and interactions. i'm thankful for the small conversation i had about changes in the weather with the guy in a huge down coat and wooly hat as we stepped outside into the unexpected warmth of the afternoon. i'm thankful for the conversation i had with the department chair when i complimented her on her skirt's fringe (even though i don't really like fringe) and she bragged about the brown leather knee high boots she had gotten for $19 from the macy's website on black friday. i'm thankful for the small conversation i started with one of our advisors, who was sitting alone and excluded from faculty conversations while we waited for a meeting to start. i'm thankful for the hilarious story she told me about a friend who was vomited on not once, but twice, by the person sitting next to her on a transatlantic flight.
i'm thankful that that stupid cliche phrase "fake it till you make it" really is kind of true for some things. i'm thankful that forcing myself to smile because i work in customer service has made me more naturally and comfortably smile all the time. i'm thankful to use my smile and i'm thankful to think of it almost as a weapon of kindness—i’m thankful for the moments when i see someone who looks unhappy or stressed out in the hallway and i aim a smile at them and their face changes and i feel like a small good thing has happened.
i'm thankful, while i'm running, to watch people shoot free throws on the basketball courts in the center of the track. i'm thankful sometimes, as their balls arc through the air, to wish for them to swish effortlessly into the net. i'm thankful for the ambient music of the balls bouncing through the natural reverb of the gym as i sit on the sidelines and meditate. i'm thankful that even though i'm always slightly afraid of being hit by a stray ball, the only time it happened, the ball neatly rolled into my lap and i chest-passed it to the player without even leaving lotus. i'm thankful for my sometimes fantasy of having a basketball hoop and shooting free throws by myself as a meditative activity when i'm older. i'm thankful that i'm finally letting go of the baggage of being bullied in 9th grade gym class in tennessee by this asshole who called me "virginia slims." i'm thankful for the moment when i was so fed up with failing to be able to dribble or pass or shoot or, worst of all, make layups, that i broke down crying in the coach's office and begged him to let me run stairs or do pushups or anything else instead of play basketball for one more day. i'm thankful that he listened to me and let me run stairs, even though he didn't have to. i'm thankful that i didn't have to take gym class after 9th grade and i'm thankful for the way in college that i rediscovered (or, really, discovered for the first time) how wonderful exercise can be. i'm thankful that i'm healthy enough and i have enough free time to be able to exercise regularly.
i'm thankful for the bathroom mirror at the gym, which always makes my biceps look bigger than they are for some reason (maybe the distance from it, or the angle?). i'm thankful that even if i recently put on a little holiday weight, i feel comfortable with my body. i'm thankful to imagine that next time i'm in miami, i could go to the clothingoptional beach that my parents love (though not with my parents, i don't think) and i wouldn't really feel self-conscious at all.
i'm thankful for the moment yesterday, when i was trying to help one of the visiting lecturers open up a file cabinet in her office—the drawers wouldn't open, but there was no key hole, just a small metal knob where a keyhole might be. i'm thankful that we both tried turning the small metal knob but it had no effect and we couldn't figure out why. i'm thankful that when i asked people in the office if they'd ever experienced anything else like this, they all said they hadn't. i'm thankful that when i asked my manager, she said she'd come check it out. i'm thankful that when she turned the small metal knob, she had the same experience that the visiting lecturer and i had. i'm thankful, then, for the moment when she reached up and, grabbing the handle of the drawer, pressed the small button on the side of the handle, which the visiting lecturer and i had not seen or imagined or considered, and effortlessly pulled the top drawer open and then every other drawer after it. i'm thankful for the laughter we all shared at that magically banal reveal.
i'm thankful to watch rows of students in basketball class make layups, one after another.