12/20/17
i'm thankful that though i have felt really bad most of the time the past few days, i have not felt really bad all the time. i'm thankful that though i have felt really bad, i have been able to do my job and exercise and bathe and do household chores. i'm thankful that though i have felt really bad, i have not been unkind to others or impatient with them or lashed out. i'm thankful that though i have cried some i have not cried that much. i'm thankful to remember that i went through a period of feeling bad when i first started this medicine but then things got much better and so maybe i just have to ride this out and it will be worth it because of how i can feel on the other side. i'm thankful to know it could also be that this dosage of this medicine is just bad for me and i'll have to stop taking it and i'm thankful to know that's an option. i'm thankful to have hope that today i will feel a little less bad than i felt the past few days. i'm thankful to try to make a more concerted effort to track how bad i feel over the next few days.
i'm thankful to have had two nice conversations yesterday, one with my manager and one with another teammate, about ways of feeling bad, and i'm thankful that i came out of both conversations feeling better, at least for a little while. i'm thankful that though i have my biannual performance review today, i don't actually feel worried or bad about that, because i trust my manager and because i know that i've done good work and am proud of that. i'm thankful that the app i'm working on is coming together more bit by bit every day; i'm thankful that last night, i got all of the conditions for the login/signup flow working. i'm thankful that i am doing my best to follow best practices in building the app, but that i'm also trying to not beat myself up when i hit a wall or cut a corner. i'm thankful that though my work time for projects is going to dry up for the rest of the holidays because we're understaffed, which sucks, i will still be able to find some time to work on this outside of work, not because i have to but because i want to see it through. i'm thankful that in my rearranged office i'm in the corner of the room so that i can always look out two windows.
i'm thankful for frozen waffles and for the way melting butter and syrup roll over their topography, filling the little square craters with flavor. i'm thankful for the mayan truffles d bought me as a christmas present. i'm thankful for our treadmill, which despite being a cheap one we thought was going to break in a few months has lasted us several years. i'm thankful for the episode of ezra klein's podcast i listened to there yesterday with barbara demick about north korea. i'm thankful that end of year list season is in full swing and though i haven't read many yet, i have them to look forward to, unwrapped presents. i'm thankful that ninefox gambit has gotten weirder and i like that. i'm thankful for the feeling of a long seated forward bend. i'm thankful for judi dench's passion for trees. i'm thankful for ensemble casts. i'm thankful for butt dialing and booty calling. i'm thankful for having fun.
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