12/10/17
i'm thankful that i had a good psych appointment on friday. i'm thankful that we decided to try bumping up my zoloft to 100mg from 50mg, not because the 50 isn't working pretty well, but to see if the 100 would work better, since the doctor said that usually for anxiety 100 is indicated rather than 50, which is more typically the dosage for depression. i'm thankful the doctor said if i have bad side effects, i can go back down to 50 myself without needing a new appointment. i'm thankful that i have had some rough patches since going up yesterday but i'm thankful to know that's normal, that i had the same thing when i first started at the 50 even though after two or three weeks things got way better, and i just have to ride it out as best i can.
i'm thankful that when i went to the pharmacy to pick up my prescription after my appointment, my favorite pharmacist, who by chance i hadn't seen for months, was there. i'm thankful for how fast she prepared and for the nice conversation we had about what video games her son wants for christmas and how he's already beaten super mario odyssey. i'm thankful we were watching terrace house yesterday and there is a new character who is a pharmacist and i thought about how if i lived in another country, i think i might like to be a pharmacist and could be good at it, but how it must be so extra hard to be a pharmacist in this country because of all of the problems of our healthcare system and the sad and horrible money things tied up with the job. i'm thankful, in recognition of that, for what a wonderful person my favorite pharmacist is and how friendly and kind she is.
i'm thankful that yesterday it snowed for the first time this winter. i'm thankful for snow, which despite this technically being the midwest is scarce enough here that it has never stopped feeling magical to me and i hope never does. i'm thankful that though it was only an inch or so it was enough to change the world around us, to make it new again. i'm thankful we took a walk on the trail, the fresh crunching under our feet as we tromped along; i'm thankful that though i stupidly wore shoes without treads and slipped a lot, i didn't actually fall. i'm thankful for poems about snow and winter, including these two by phillip larkin (1,2), this one by james schuyler, this one by katie ford, and this one by larry levis.
i'm thankful that we stopped for lunch at wendy's and i'm thankful that on the radio, they played "waterloo" and then "torn" and then "it ain't over till it's over" by lenny kravitz. i'm thankful for the comfort of the first two songs, which i already knew i loved, and for the pleasant surprise of the last one, which i didn't know, but which is, i think after listening to it several times yesterday, a perfect song, the chunky funk guitar interspersed with the disco strings, the softness of his falsetto and the times when it rubs up against the rough rock texture of his lower register, the rise in the melody, the guitar solo languorous over a soft choral bed. i'm thankful to have listened to it while sitting across from d and dipping hot salty french fries into a little plastic cup of ketchup.
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