12/10

i'm thankful that i started to write a list of my other favorite walkmen songs, started realizing it was going to take a long time and felt anxious, then realized it was just writing words and it doesn't matter and it would feel good to write it if i just push past it so "rue the day" (builds and breaks) "what's in it for me" (such big beautiful silvery drones, such an album opener), "the rat" (makes you feel like you're gossip girl), "my old man" (battering ram throb), "138th street" (the liquid high trills), "thinking of a dream i had" (tumbling drums). i'm thankful i realized i can just leave off there and write about my other favorite walkmen songs at some future date tbd.

i'm thankful to sit with my discomfort and move through it. i'm thankful to be listening to music, which i don't do enough lately. i'm thankful for podcasts, which are so reliable, but also missing something animal of which i need a certain amount for my blood to be the right consistency. i'm thankful that though yesterday i failed to completely fix my standing desk, i did manage to get it standing up in a basically balanced way, so i stood most of the day and i'm thankful for the way my legs feel.

i'm thankful that though i experienced some challenging tickets today, i hung in and was not alone. i'm thankful that they figured out how to get my jira account working. i'm thankful that i get reviews of my draft responses before sending them and i'm thankful that everyone seems to really respect each other and it doesn't feel like writing workshop. i'm thankful i got to inbox zero again. i'm thankful that though i felt slow, i didn't feel sad or stressed.

i'm thankful for e's list of good cries. i'm thankful for the list of 78 new complex emotions she links and for my favorite of them, which is being "laugh-holed," which is "When you’re laughing so much with someone that it feels like some part of you dips briefly into another dimension. Afterward, it makes the concept of an afterlife or other-life seem conceivable because what was that? And how can I make it happen again?" i'm thankful to have experienced this phenomenon many times in my life and to hope that there are many more times in my future.

i'm thankful that my old work let me keep my computer and now it doesn't have any of the bad voodoo associated any more, like magic, and now i can just type emails on it instead of typing on my ipad, which will mean an improvement in quality, since i refuse to use anything other than the most basic-ass default shit like the gmail web-app client and being on an actual computer means that i can go back to doing inline links in these rather than just copying and pasting a big old ugly URL in the middle of paragraphs.

i'm thankful for karafun's subscription model, which is that there isn't one and they sell a week pass or a slightly more expensive month pass but not a recurring subscription and i just keep buying it and it's a great value. i'm thankful for butterfinger peanut butter cups, which are imperfect and yet really much better than you might expect (the butterfinger percentage, despite the branding, feels like about 7%, which is just the right amount of butterfinger).

i'm thankful for "another one goes by".