11/30/17
i'm thankful for the internet, which is a pandora's box out of which flies so many monsters, but is also a source of so much joy and connection. i'm thankful that i was feeling drained yesterday evening after struggling with something complicated in the project i was working on and decided that i was going to close my computer and not do any work or thinking about work and just chill hard. i'm thankful that sometimes ambition makes me feel good but i'm also thankful to remind myself that it's a double edged sword.
i'm thankful that i ended up spending most of the evening on twitter piddling about and talking to my friends and writing things as they came into my head. i'm thankful that though for so long i felt uncomfortable about twitter and like my voice didn't fit into the shapes it wanted, i feel more at home there now. i'm thankful for this thoughtful essay by safy-hallan farrah on alt accounts. i'm thankful that twitter allows me to be connected to people who i love and who write and share things that make me laugh. i'm thankful for the barbecue sauce on my titties vine, which is perfectly structured and which i can use as a pick-me-up whenever i need it.
i'm thankful that we got new good speakers to replace the set in the living room that died last week. i'm thankful to listen to good music loud on good speakers while sitting on the couch with d. i'm thankful selena gomez dyed her hair and for selena gomez in general. i'm thankful for ultraviolence, which i was listening to on speakers last night and is an album that i can continue to return to and find new things that i love. i'm thankful that it is one of the few albums where the deluxe version is my favorite—i'm thankful for "black beauty", which is a stunning power ballad, not a slow burn but a slow explosion, timelapse fireworks against a void when the drums kick in in the chorus and the melody rises.
i'm thankful that d and i watched the first episode of that family cooking GBBO spinoff on netflix, which was soft and warm (and features nadiya from GBBO as a host!), though i think i prefer the awkward tension and passive-aggressive sniping of come dine with me. i'm thankful for this absurd video of someone trying to get a plane to start up and take off in a ridiculously complex flight simulator. i'm thankful to have learned of vasko popa's little box poems here and am thankful that there are more of them available on the internet if you search for them. i'm thankful for this poem by bill knott:
The way the world is not
Astonished at you
It doesn't blink a leaf
When we step from the house
Leads Me to think
That beauty is natural, unremarkable
And not to be spoken of
Except in the course of things
The course of signing and worksharing
The course of squeezes and neighbors
The course of you tying back your raving hair to go out
And the course of course of me
Astonished at you
i'm thankful to squint with optimism into the uncertain future.
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