11/24/15
i'm thankful for the sound of our furnace. i'm thankful that unlike the heater in our last apartment, which sounded like twenty-one bb guns rapid firing into a pile of aluminum cans, this furnace has a quiet but satisfying subterranean rumble.
i'm thankful that even though i didn't get to move forward in the interview process for the job i wanted, i received a nice email from the editorial director of the company thanking me for my time. i'm thankful that rather than making me wait, he sent the email the next business day after i submitted my pitches. i'm thankful for the process of interviewing with him and talking to the hr person and writing the pitches, because these are all valuable experiences that make me more confident in my abilities as a writer and person and should help me as i continue my job search. i'm thankful, even, for the pall of melancholy that fell over me yesterday evening after i received the news. i'm thankful that it didn't consume me and i'm thankful that i'm processing my emotions rather than trying to hide from them or hold them inside locked rooms in my brain.
i'm thankful that my coworker texted me on my vacation because she was freaked out about not receiving a print job that i ordered last week. i'm sorry that she was freaked out, but sometimes i'm thankful for her freak outs, even if they annoy me at times, because they put into perspective my own feelings of work ennui and help me, as i gently tell her to chill out, chill out myself and remember that we are not doing brain surgery here. i'm thankful that even though i didn't get to move forward in the interview process for the job i wanted, i still have a good job with good benefits where i work with really nice people. i'm thankful that when i get frustrated with my job search, i can comfort myself by remembering that, and also by remembering how stressed out i was a few years ago when i was applying for jobs without a job at all, much less a good job with good benefits where i work with really nice people.
i'm thankful that i'm on vacation. i'm thankful for cheap supermarket malbec, which is the ideal accompaniment for our chosen charcuterie platter. i'm thankful for the reruns of the office that we watched with dinner.
i'm thankful that i felt free to give up on the book i mentioned yesterday, which despite the future promise of something dark and interesting, was too flat to sustain my attention, especially since i was feeling melancholy. i'm thankful to dip back into natasha's dance by orlando figes and i'm thankful for his smooth prose and interesting anecdotes and i'm thankful that i'm at the part where the decembrists are planning their rebellion.
i'm thankful for the longest meditation session i've had so far (22 minutes). even though i was hoping to meditate for 30 minutes, i'm thankful for the random call that came in on the 22nd minute, because it has taught me that i need to put my phone in "do not disturb" mode when i meditate. i'm thankful that i have more time to meditate today.
i'm thankful for the great sleep i'm getting regularly now and for how i'm taking less medicine for my stomach (some days no medicine at all!) than I have in a long time. i'm thankful that my medication helps me sleep but doesn't knock me out so much that i can't wake d from bad dreams in the middle of the night if she needs me.
i'm thankful for synthesizer presets. i'm thankful for reverb.
i'm thankful for the band next door, even if they were louder than usual last night and verging on "too loud." i'm thankful for the tightness of their martial grooves and the distinctiveness of their bass lines. i'm thankful for the weird new song they were playing last night, which at first sounded like "blitzkrieg bop" but then ramped up into something darker and stranger, with tortured atonal guitar wrenching along beside the rhythm. i'm thankful that they always stop rehearsing before 10:00pm.
i'm thankful for the tiny flat-head screwdriver i used to tighten up my glasses so that i will be able to see out of them better.