11/21
i'm thankful that today is my birthday. i'm thankful to be 31 years old. i'm thankful that this birthday does not feel as important as my last one, which is good because i prefer routines to events. i'm thankful for a nice birthday text from e. i'm thankful for the chocolate chip cookies that d made for me, which are perfectly cooked (i'm thankful to love chocolate chip cookies even if they're imperfectly cooked). i'm thankful for the playstation vita she got me as an early birthday gift, which i have liked so much that i got her one as an early christmas gift. i'm thankful for our times sitting side by side in bed playing our games.
i'm thankful that if we decide to buy the other person a present for a special occasion, we often just give it to them as soon as we get it, so that the other person can go ahead and start enjoying about it (i'm thankful that i think this is a much better system than the one described by our coworker, in which her husband places her gift, unwrapped, in their house in a place where she sees it all the time but doesn't allow her to touch it until the day actually comes. i'm thankful that other people can do what makes them happy but i'm thankful gifts are not some kind of weird s&m game in our household.
i'm thankful for the opportunity now to try to remember some other birthdays in my life:
i'm thankful for the earliest birthday i can remember specifically, which is my 12th or 13th birthday. i'm thankful that though at the time we had just moved from north carolina to virginia and were living in a shabby rental house with dirty carpet that in some places smelled like smoke and where my brother and i had to share a bedroom, my parents let me have a sleepover. i'm thankful to remember a few things from the sleepover: playing a motocross game on our computer and trying to crash in elaborate ways, eating ice cream, and watching a vhs tape of independence day (my birthday gift and, at the time, favorite movie) on our TV.
i'm thankful for my sixteenth birthday, which was after another move, this time from tennessee to florida and which also took place in another rental. i'm thankful that birthday i got a cheap strat copy and practice amp package from the local music store and a CD greatest hits compilation by queen (i'm thankful for brian may, the guitarist who made me want to be a guitarist). i'm thankful for the guitar, even though it wasn't a great guitar; i'm thankful that it always had a very buzzy low e string, which was a constraint i had to play around which i think made me a better guitar player.
i'm thankful for my nineteenth birthday, when we had a party at my friend c's house with a keg of my favorite beer, miller high life. i'm thankful to remember doing a keg stand (i think) on the keg in his backyard. i'm thankful after being friendless for most of high school, for how happy it made me to have friends who would throw a birthday party for me. i'm thankful to remember being extra hopeful on my birthday that a girl i liked would kiss me, because it was my birthday, but i'm thankful to still have felt that i had a truly happy birthday even though that didn't happen.
i'm thankful for my twenty-third birthday, which i spent alone in korea. i'm thankful that i don't remember exactly what i did, but i'm thankful that it probably involved a long walk while listening to podcasts (which was my favorite activity then) and then eating delicious food. i'm thankful for the way supermarkets in korea would discount their prepared food at the end of the day before closing and how well timed this was to me getting out of work at 10PM from my job teaching english. i'm thankful to remember the time i bought and ate an entire peking duck.
i'm thankful for my twenty-fifth birthday, which was just after d and i had made our relationship exclusive. i'm thankful that over thanksgiving, she had been in california with her family, but am thankful that she came back with a cheesecake from trader joe's and a bottle of prosecco. i'm thankful to remember sitting in my apartment and her telling me to close my eyes while in the kitchen she prepared these things. i'm thankful to remember sitting beside her on the couch in my crappy apartment by the hospital and drinking prosecco and eating cheesecake and wondering how life could possibly be better than this.
i'm thankful for my last birthday, which i don't have to try so hard to remember, because at that point i had started writing these notes:
"i'm thankful for my birthday letter from d, which is the best letter i've ever received. i'm thankful for the last of my wonderful presents from her. i'm thankful that she took me out to lunch and, though it was raining on the way to the restaurant, it started snowing while we were sitting in the booth waiting for our food. i'm thankful that the first snow of the year was on my birthday, which felt magical. i'm thankful that though the restaurant streamlined their menu and did not have the sandwiches we originally wanted to order, the sandwiches we did order were delicious: a chicken sandwich with brie and a club with a mysterious sweetness.
"i'm thankful for my birthday letter from d, which is the best letter i've ever received. i'm thankful for the last of my wonderful presents from her. i'm thankful that she took me out to lunch and, though it was raining on the way to the restaurant, it started snowing while we were sitting in the booth waiting for our food. i'm thankful that the first snow of the year was on my birthday, which felt magical. i'm thankful that though the restaurant streamlined their menu and did not have the sandwiches we originally wanted to order, the sandwiches we did order were delicious: a chicken sandwich with brie and a club with a mysterious sweetness.
i'm thankful that as we walked home through the cold, the big wet flakes of snow began to stick to the ground. i'm thankful for the oddity, because it is the first snow of the year and because it has been wet and warm lately, of the white snow coating bright green grass, which is a rare juxtaposition. i'm thankful for the way the large tree in our backyard sheltered a portion of the yard from the snow, creating an interesting pattern i'm thankful that while noticing this, i made eye contact with our next door neighbor, who was on his back patio smoking a cigarette, and i'm thankful for the smile we shared. i'm thankful he and his fiancee are good neighbors who are quiet and easy to get along with. i'm thankful for d and i bundling up under the throw on the couch and drinking pineapple flavored tea to warm up from the snowy cold."
i'm thankful for the bridge for "step" by vampire weekend, when ezra koenig sings:
"Wisdom's a gift, but you'd trade it for youth
"Wisdom's a gift, but you'd trade it for youth
Age is an honor, it's still not the truth
We saw the stars when they hid from the world
You cursed the sun when it stepped to your girl
Maybe she's gone and I can't resurrect her
The truth is she doesn't need me to protect her
We know the true death, the true way of all flesh
Everyone's dying, but girl, you're not old yet"
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