11/17
i'm thankful that i went back to cvs yesterday on my lunch break to get my prozac prescription, after calling it in at my doctor's office a second time on tuesday. i'm thankful to be on 30 mg of prozac, which comes in two separate pills (one 20 mg and one 10 mg). i'm thankful to not be on 40mg, which i was for a while and which feels nice but has some unpleasant effects on sexual function, and to not be on 20mg, which does not do enough at making me not feel terrible all the time. i'm thankful for the story of goldilocks and the three bears.
i'm thankful for the pharmacist, who tuesday got locked out of the pharmacy enclosure without her keys while stocking the shelves and had to be let in by another employee and then did again yesterday. i'm thankful that i asked her whether she ever is tempted to slide over the counter, like people do with the hood of a car in an action movie, and am thankful for her smile when she admitted she has definitely done that. i'm thankful to remember my first panic attack, which hit me after i did a similar move over the counter of the concession stand of the movie theater where i worked when i was 17. i'm thankful for my older coworker who was also an EMT and sat on the dirty carpet in between the hallways and took my pulse to try to soothe me as my heart raced.
i'm thankful that once again, my doctor's office did not call in all of the prescriptions i asked them to call in. i'm thankful that without me asking (which i would never do, because i don't want to be difficult), the pharmacist had another employee double-check my file to make sure that they hadn't called in the prescription. i'm thankful for that gesture and thankful to have joked that i would see them tomorrow. i'm thankful that though they work in a second floor of a building that is mostly windowless, there is a door they can open in the back of their enclosure that exposes a small window so that they can see the world outside.
i'm thankful for the DM conversation i had with my coworker the other day, in which we had a philosophical agreement about customer service, with me arguing that while i always wanted to help our customers, i would sacrifice a certain degree of happiness or satisfaction on their part if it would contribute to the happiness/sanity of our team and with her arguing that we should always put the customers first. i'm thankful for how clearly genuinely she believes that, which is just something i say in a job interview because it's the thing you're supposed to say, and how inspiring her commitment to that belief is.
i'm thankful that she said that part of it was that she hates having to deal with bad customer service as a customer herself, that it frustrates her, which made me reflect on my personal feeling about customer service since becoming a customer service person, which is to just kind of accept whatever happens and not expect that the person on the other side of the line can do too much for me and to assume that he or she is busy and stressed out and not want to add to that busyness or stress. i'm thankful that she respected my viewpoint when i described it and am thankful generally for the quality of our DM conversations during the workday, which are sustaining. i'm thankful also for prozac, which is sustaining and which i will hopefully get my other prescription for today.
i'm thankful that last night d and i facetimed with my parents after dinner (spaghetti with roasted kale (with tomato sauce for d and butter and fish sauce for me) and parmesan, one of my favorite easy dinners). i'm thankful that though we normally facetime with my parents on wednesday or thursday nights, i let myself off the hook of that last week because i felt too depressed and didn't want to talk. i'm thankful that still feeling that way made me feel apprehension about facetiming with them last night, but i'm thankful that it was nice as it almost always is.
i'm thankful that my parents did not vote for donald trump and i'm thankful that d and my dad bonded over how they have been getting into fierce arguments with people who did on facebook and elsewhere. i'm thankful to have heard about my mom's first week at her new job, which is hard but which she feels good about. i'm thankful that me inquiring about my brother led somehow to a slightly inebriated d talking about how when a few christmases ago we all played taboo together, he and i were like identical twins, almost psychically connected.
i'm thankful that there was a brief lull and then i said that nobody was going to confuse my brother and i because he has a bigger dick than me. i'm thankful that this led to my dad howling and rocking with laughter and my mom, after a brief moment of looking uncomfortable, or not even that, but just like she couldn't believe that i had said that, started laughing too.. i'm thankful to be perfectly happy with my dick (and am thankful that d is as well) but am thankful to have had a moment when he was in high school and i saw my brother come out of the shower and i had this brief moment of like, "damn, he has a bigger dick than me!"
i'm thankful that i had never really shared this thought/memory with anyone besides d. i'm thankful that as my dad's laughs slowly lessened, there was another pause and he turned toward the camera and said "he has a bigger dick than me, too!" and started laughing again and we all started laughing. i'm thankful that i think i could see in his eyes that this was something he'd thought about before and not said to anyone else. i'm thankful to have shared that moment with him and am thankful that years of oversharing about my life have made me very comfortable saying things about myself that other people would find uncomfortable. i'm thankful to be able to break taboo, not in a shitty cards against humanity kind of way, but in a way that makes people feel free to get out from under secrets that are weighing them down.
i'm thankful for this picture of a cinnamon roll, which i cannot stop laughing at.
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