11/10

i'm thankful that my job is stressful and consuming, which right now feels like a kind of gift. i'm thankful that all the problems i have with it that i've been telling you about recently feel so insignificant now—i'm thankful to know that they're not insignificant, that eventually things will have to change there, but for now i'm thankful to have that perspective. i'm thankful to share virtual hugs and virtual tears with my coworkers through our private channels. i'm thankful for small sparks of levity. i'm thankful we have each other to lean on. i'm thankful for my latina coworker from texas who always addresses me as amigo and who i always address as amiga. 

i'm thankful last night, my coworkers had our monthly google hangout "happy hour" and am thankful that though i didn't feel like going, d went and found it cathartic and energizing and nice. i'm thankful that d is a very shy person but i'm thankful to have heard from the other room how she was expressing how she felt and guiding the conversation. i'm thankful for the arguments she's been getting into on facebook about white privilege and for how firm and thoughtful she has been with the people she knows who express things she thinks are wrong, even to the detriment of their relationship. i'm thankful to be together with someone who believes the same things that i do about the world and who is not afraid to tell other people that they are wrong.

i'm thankful for the concept of the walled garden, which i know is oppressive but which right now feels like an enclosure of safety, a bubble of air. i'm thankful that i could open netflix and not be afraid of being confronted with an image of his face or paul ryan's (i'm thankful for the pain of even just seeing his name) or anyone of the other monsters that are stalking around in the back of my mind. i'm thankful in bed last night to have started rereading a comfort book series called island in the sea of time, which is an adventure story about a world where nantucket island is suddenly and inexplicably plunged centuries into the past and how the modern residents find ways to live in an ancient world. i'm thankful for the fantasy of being transported to another time and place. i'm thankful for the jazz piano of oscar peterson, which is mellifluous and soothing.

i'm thankful for the small solace of repetitive household tasks. i'm thankful to have washed a sinkful of dishes. i'm thankful to have folded the last of the clean laundry from two weeks ago, which has been sitting in a pile in our bedroom since it was done. i'm thankful to have pushed myself to take greater care in folding neatly than i usually do—i'm thankful especially to have taken care folding cloth napkins into neat rectangles. i'm thankful to have done a new load of laundry, which was long overdue. i'm thankful to have clean clothes to wear. i'm thankful that though it is cold outside. our heater is pumping warmth from underground up into the air around us.