10/4
i'm thankful that when d was in san francisco last week, she got a free high-tech ultrasound breast scan, not because she needed one, but because her coworker's parents were consultants for the technology being used and so it was free.
i'm thankful that last night after we had dinner and watched the season premiere of the good place and she was sitting on the couch with her laptop and i was on a yoga mat on the living room floor, trying to do yoga for the first time in several weeks without incurring too much attention/wrath from miso, she realized she had a voicemail from the doctor who performed the scan, which she told me, after listening to it, said that the doctor didn't provide any results but said that she had a question for d and that she should call back.
i'm not thankful that my mind immediately went into hyper hypochondriac fear mode, as it always does in cases like this, but i'm thankful that i kept this to myself as d returned the call. i'm thankful to have been laying down and had my head facing the mat as i laid there stressing about what i couldn't hear on the other side of the call as d said "yes" and "no." i'm thankful to have surmised at one point that the doctor asked d whether she had ever noticed something regarding one of her breasts and d had been surprised, but had said that she guess that she had, maybe when she was younger, though it had never really been something she thought about very much. i'm thankful that i felt slightly better at that point, but still extremely afraid. i'm thankful that the call continued for a few more minutes and then ended, after which i looked up from the call in panic and asked d what was going on?
i'm thankful that d said that it was a weird call, which did not help, but then immediately reassured me that by that she didn't mean there was anything wrong, that there wasn't anything wrong and the doctor had said that from the jump. i'm thankful to have found out that the question that the doctor on the other side of the country left a voicemail for and asked d to call back about, and that d thought was weird, was "have you ever noticed that your right nipple is flatter than the left nipple?
i'm thankful that that is weird and that we laughed then and i felt better that everything was okay. i'm thankful that d told me about something i didn't see during the call because i was looking down at the mat, which was that when the doctor asked the question about her nipples, she was so unsure that she pulled open her shirt and looked down at her breasts to check.
i'm thankful for d's breasts and to have been reminded of a song i recorded when i was 21 (which is now over a decade ago GAHFHFJKD) in which i posit myself as a one-man solution for breast cancer self-checks. i'm thankful for one of the lyrics i'm most proud of, which is "your titties are objects / they're the apples of my eye / but behind 'em is your heart / and that's the whole pie." i'm thankful for apples, of course, but am most thankful for the whole pie.
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