10/29

i'm thankful that d is hanging in there despite having a really shitty time at work lately. i'm thankful that she is the strongest person i know and that i know she will get through her troubles. i'm thankful that we are able to talk to each other and help each other feel better when we're having a hard time (or, when we can't fully make each other feel better, at least sit in the feeling bad with the other person so they're not totally alone there). i'm thankful that even in hard times, we can find joy in small things. i'm thankful for this video of a piglet cuddling with a golden retriever. i'm thankful for this crafty raccoon. i'm thankful for this webcam video of nathan fielder dancing. i'm thankful to live mas.

i'm thankful that it got down to freezing yesterday morning for the first time of the season, such that it really and truly feels like fall now. i'm thankful for the way that changes in the seasons make it possible for us to imagine a future where things in the world are different, how the fact that it is cold and the leaves are turning yellow and orange and falling let me see in my minds eye that at some point in the future there will be warm air and new blooms and blue sky sunshine, springtime again. i'm thankful for the way that imagining a future means, because of how perception works, imagining myself (ourselves) in that future, which is a source of hope and strength. i'm thankful to try to store up hope and strength like animals store up sustenance for hibernation.

i'm thankful that d and i went to denny's for lunch yesterday, even though it was ridiculously crowded and there was a terrible queue situation and i ordered pancakes, which are a food that always make me feel like garbage after eating them (probably because i cannot resist soaking them with enormous amounts of syrup and butter). i'm thankful to write this here to try to remember to keep myself from ordering pancakes in the future. i'm thankful to remember the breakfast place near my best friend j's apartment our senior year of college, which had all you can eat pancakes which is something that no one ever needs. i'm thankful for d's love of breakfast food, even though i don't really share it. i'm thankful for the bowl of store brand special k with strawberries i had for breakfast this morning.

i'm thankful for nathan for you, which serves to make me laugh as hard as i possibly can every single week. i'm thankful for stranger things, which though it is sometimes a bit too much (do we really need to see another shot of a car quickly and recklessly backing out of a parking space and then tearing off into the distance, kicking up dirt and gravel behind it)(as d astutely pointed out, winona ryder's role in both seasons is seemingly mostly to do weird craft projects that destroy her house and then stare at them while sitting on the floor, trying to find patterns) is always driving and involving and which is very good at ending each episode in such a way that you can not resist starting the next one. i'm thankful for the oblivion of binges, for how we can lose ourselves for a little while.