10/23/17

i'm thankful on vacation to have fulfilled my long-held dream of taking drugs before going to an amusement park. i'm thankful for the surprising strength of the edibles we packed i'm thankful for universal studios, which i had not been to in more than a decade (probably closer to two) and which was a strange place to spend a day with family. i'm thankful for my favorite ride, which was probably the simpsons themed one, which was great because you got to watch the simpsons while standing in line. i'm thankful for the strangeness of all the queues, which made me think about kafka and minimalist art.

i'm thankful that d suggested we watch the movie the house with my parents the other night, since it was surprisingly funny and while it makes me uncomfortable as a child to watch a movie with my parents about the things that parents do for their children, i think it made them happy and it was funny enough most of the time i could ignore the discomfort. i'm thankful for how strange it is to be someone's child, how, though my parents are wonderful and i have a great and relatively uncomplicated relationship with them, i still feel, when i am with them, like a different person, a self who is not the self i am now, which is hard to deal with at times. i'm thankful now that i'm back home to feel like my actual self. i'm thankful for the little boy on our flight who asked if his suitcase was "in the belly of the plane." 

i'm thankful that my brother and his wife are still addicted to pokemon go, which is kind of adorable (and also ridiculous). i'm thankful for their dog, who is probably going to have to be put to sleep soon but is very sweet. i'm thankful that they and d and i played overcooked together, which was frantic and fun. i'm thankful that though my family likes watching lots of television that i not only am not interested in watching, but find actively annoying (like marathons of that 70s show (HONESTLY) or various modern family-inspired weepfests), we share a love of nathan for you and we all got hooked on the first season of 90 day fiance after i read sarah's piece about it. i'm thankful for their really really nice DVR/cable box, which made me jealous even though i think it would probably be a bad idea for d and i to have cable TV at home.

i'm thankful that i have my medication appointment with the psychiatrist tomorrow. i'm thankful that i have felt stable and have been mostly sleeping better back on the prozac, but that it's still not really doing what i need it to do (which is the reason i tried the other terrible (for me) medicines in the first place). i'm thankful to be hopeful that we will find something better for me to try (i'm thankful that d switched medications recently and has been happy with the results). i'm thankful that though i ate poorly on vacation (in terms of health, in terms of satisfaction it was great), my stomach seems pretty okay. i'm thankful to get back into my normal daily routines.

i'm thankful to have not used a computer since last tuesday but i'm thankful to be back using one now. i'm thankful for this book on react that i have been reading so that i can do more interesting projects at work (where we use react for lots of important things). i'm thankful to slowly be getting more comfortable with ES6 syntax, even though it still  looks "wrong" to me a lot of the time. i'm thankful to have read the first part of gene wolfe's the fifth head of cerebrus, which was very engaging, even though i'm having trouble getting into the second part. i'm thankful for this group biography of the frankfurt school, which is deeply discounted and which i am looking forward to reading. i'm thankful for this list of ruth bader ginsburg costume pun ideas.

i'm thankful that i took tomorrow off work in addition to today. i'm thankful that it is raining outside and we have the windows open to let fresh air into the house. i'm thankful that it is cool but not yet cold. i'm thankful for candles that attempt to represent the smells of fall in wax. i'm thankful for the experience of striking a match to ignite it and then lighting a wick, for that small window of time where you can't tell if the wick is lit or if it's just the flame of the match, the two seem like the same thing, but then the second flame grows and you know that it's lit.