the immaculate mailing list - hello again
welcome back y’all
hello again to my lovely subscribers! nice to have ya reading this brain dump again. i wasn’t sure when i would have the mental energy to type this all out, but here i am at 5p on a monday, ready to go.
what i’ve been ~up to~
- i started my final semester last week! literally have one class to get through to graduate. i am rusty, and disappointed that i am not able to do a meat space semester. that would have been very beneficial for me! i guess a virtual semester might be better preparation for the new landscape of how asl-english interpretation works now (all remote! well, mostly remote!). we’ll see, i guess. it is nice to tickle that part of my brain again tho :)
- very grateful that i am in therapy again! that dedicated space to clear through all the heavy thoughts in my brain is so valuable, and i am honestly uncertain how i have gotten through the last year without it!
- i am still going to work, and grinding my silly little beans, and pouring my silly little cappucinos, and berating my silly little customers who try to take their mask off in my vicinity! it still sucks, but for some reason, i just am not as overwhelmed about it as i was at the end of last year. i will begrudgingly accept it.
- i’ve spent a lot of time visiting past versions of myself recently. there’s a certain tuning and capo placement on my guitar that really only allows me to play songs i wrote when i was 23. what a different time! i don’t find myself relating to them at all anymore, but i do appreciate that i was finding ways to process feelings and kind of figure out who i was. i still enjoy playing them, but i think they’ll stay only for me. i’ve also spent some time with albums and artists that were really important to me at various times in my life, and re-living the brain space i was occupying then, mostly as a coping mechanism//granting myself a reprieve from the stresses of today. it’s very effective. for a long time, i’ve looked back on past-josh with some level of disdain, for not living to current-josh’s standards (what will i think of current-me in 15 years???), but recently i’ve been seeing that i’m still the same person, i’m just working with more information and support now. what a nice way to go through life!!
here are some thoughts on ~current events~
- chicago mayor lori lightfoot is such a terrible mayor, i do not know how anyone can enjoy being around her. solidarity with the chicago’s teacher union, and them being the adults who are taking the lives and health of everyone connected to chicago public schools seriously. again, fuck lori lightfoot.
- i think i wrote a bit about the vaccine rollout in my last dispatch, but i cannot be bothered to find out. anyways, if i did, here’s a slightly different thought: i cannot imagine the vaccine being the fix that brings us back to “normal”, and i think relying on it to be the magic bullet is gonna result in more death. it has been made appallingly clear over the last year that our society (especially in the usa) is not willing to do what it takes to manage this pandemic without an egregious loss of life. it’s not something a biden presidency can fix, either. these are systems rooted in decades and centuries of white supremacy, capitalism, and imperialism. it’s like global warming (same causes!!)- individual action is great, but it can only do so much. we’re not set up to value life over profit. and more pandemics are gonna come! also, please continue to not go out to eat or something like that, it really is not worth the risk for you or the people serving you. if you’ve got expendable income to burn, just give it to someone who needs it!!
- i effing love the snow. i had to dig a car out for the first time in like 5 years and it is so incredibly satisfying. one of the things i miss most about living in michigan was having more activities that required me to use my body! was nice to feel that again. which reminds me, i’m very excited to build a raised garden bed or two for kat and i to plant this spring!! look! a reason to buy a handsaw.
a fun little insight i’ve had about myself
i think i’m more interested in building infrastructure and systems that can go on for a long time, without my involvement. i mean, i definitely like being involved in things! but i’ve been taking on some projects recently that are more about building for a future that i want to live in, and less so doing things in the immediacy. both are really important, but i think i’m better suited to the former.
a request for responses
so i’m (supposedly) going into the field of asl-english interpretation, a field which has a long history of harming deaf and hard of hearing individuals (in a variety of ways), and, in many instances, has been used as a band aid fix for greater problems. so, my question is for those of you doing some sort of work providing services to people in systems not actually set up to meet their needs. how do y’all manage the internal wrangling that comes with propping up and perpetuating broken systems? i’m definitely not blaming ya for doing it, and i know there are a few of you who’ve been wrestling with similar themes. how’ve you been approaching it in a way that feels ethical for you??
here are a few pieces i’ve read that i got something out of
- the secret call of the wild: how animals teach each other to survive - carl safina
- twitter’s decentralized future - lucas matney
- users of the world, unite? - gregory afinogenov
- a vaccine isn’t going to save america - indi samarajiva
what i’ve been listening to since i last emailed ya
(i stopped including links & riyl’s, sorry bout it!!)
- sing sing death house - the distillers
- s/t - tom tom club
- room for the moon - kate nv
- the distance is so big - lemuria
- weight of air - the sidekicks
- darkeness on the edge of town - bruce springsteen
- the river - bruce springsteen
- nebraska - bruce springsteen
- a kind of magic - queen
- atrás/além - o terno
- music & dreams - robert lester folsom
- hunger for a way out - sweeping promises
- binasu - kate nv
- lost marbles & exploded evidence - enon
- after laughter - paramore
- wheel - laura stevenson
- sit resist - laura stevenson
- cocksure - laura stevenson
- live on audiotree - laura stevenson
- sometimes things just disappear - polar bear club
- fearless - jazmine sullivan
- the big freeze - laura stevenson
- more adventerous - rilo kiley
- the execution of all things - rilo kiley
- lust for life - iggy pop
- the photo album - death cab for cutie
- enema of the state - blink-182
- cheshire cat - blink-182
- dude ranch - blink-182
- cosmo’s factory - creedence clearwater revival
- the head on the door - the cure
- come to my garden - minnie ripperton
- athena - sudan archives
- for my broken heart - reba mcentire
- marry me - st. vincent
- age of adz - sufjan stevens
- baby i’m-a want you - bread
- deloused in the comatorium - the mars volta
- s/t - st. vincent
- strange mercy - st. vincent
- kinks - the kinks
- this is how you smile - helado negro
- what’s your pleasure? - jessie ware
- dorkrockcorkrod - the ergs!
- imaginary life - worriers
- dig it! - red garland quintet & john coltrane
- big band! - charlie parker
closing out
as always, please respond with any thoughts you might have, or any media you think i might get something out of! it makes my day when y’all engage with these emails. stay safe please!!