28: Year Overview and Retrospective
Today, typing's more difficult than usual. This is a post I published on birthday in 2017, reflecting on my 28th year, entering my 29th.
Today, November 16, is my birthday. Twenty-eight has been a year fraught with change and the need to reflect, define, and act on my beliefs, values. This year — though filled with travels, troubles, jubilations, and learnings — has developed me to be, what I believe, a stronger, more resilient, self-confident person. I wanted to use this annual moment to pause and document the year, summating 365 days of 28.
Twenty-eight, first two months
At the onset, I began 28 with a new tattoo. It’s one of my favorite and most personal tattoos so far. It set the theme for 28 that I thought had been the major learning for 27.
In December, my girlfriend and I ended our relationship. It continues to be a difficult transition. When she moved out, it was that moment of, “this is real, it’s happened; now what?”
First things first: furniture for the apartment.
For the first time since leaving the United States, I was living alone. Not only that, for the first time, I was living alone with a salary and savings, to have a choice where I wanted to spend that money.
What home would I want to live in?
Where possible, make ethical, sustainable choices
Thinking about what I wanted, I knew I didn’t want to contribute to fast-furniture culture. I didn’t want any IKEA furniture, that amplifies hyper-consumerism.
Whatever I did find, I made a decision that it should be as ethical and sustainably made as possible. It’s a tall order, but I would rather live without, for a longer period of time, than live with and have a bit of guilt with it. As well, it shouldn’t have a single purpose, but be used in multiple ways.
It took a while to find these. For three months after March, I was sleeping on blow-up camping mattresses, using a small outdoor table and chairs I picked up from the trash — people throw out such good, usable things in Amsterdam, it’s fantastic.
I ended up with a hodgepodge collection of Swedish, Danish, Polish, Dutch, Greek, Finnish, Italian, and English furniture. Where there’s wood, it’s sustainably sourced or secondhand. The makers are treated as humans and paid likewise. The table is my desk, food prep table, and eating table. The couch is a couch and sofa bed, with reclining daybed if it gets hot in the summer and I want to change up sleeping arrangements. My mattress is all natural rubber, rubberized coconut fiber, and seaweed. The ceiling lights in the house are built from cork, donating profits to the WakaWaka Foundation.
I’m proud, happy with how the apartment’s ended up. It forced me to define what I valued and put my money where my mouth is. Setting up the home for happiness is a good thing.
Self-care is essential. So are friends, and asking for help.
In April, I had a very rough cycling accident. I’m still fuzzy on details, but it was late, I was cycling home, and got clipped by a scooter on the cycling path. I Supermann’d over my handlebars, falling teeth first into the red cement. Both my two front teeth broke in half, my glasses cut into and bloodied my face. Somehow, I made my way to a nearby hotel, cleaned myself up, convinced them to call me a taxi home.
The following 48 hours was full of messaging my friend in California to help get in contact with someone (she was the only one awake at the time). She got in touch with a friend in Amsterdam, who called an ambulance to check me for a concussion.
Then, she came over and guided me through immediate recovery needs. By the end of the day, I had my teeth fixed, saw the doctor and patched up, and even — I still don’t know how we did this — found my bicycle, chained up to a random lightpole in the middle of nowhere, absolutely nowhere near my home.
I can’t say how grateful and appreciative I am for their help, friendship, and the outpouring of support. I’m not very good at asking for help, being bullheaded and independent, but I was forced. And, I’m better for it.
Fast forward a few months, stress and dealing with all the things happening, hadn’t left me in an excellent state of mind. Contributing factors: the breakup and figuring out what alone is again; trying to keep track of the chaos that is the United States; dealing with the cycling accident; constant, growing stress at work; brother cutting himself off from the family; familial brain-chemical imbalance; general lack of energy.
My Director at work — again, very grateful for the support — called me out and said I needed to talk with someone. I was in touch with the work doctor and, for the first time, started to see a therapist to address things. I consider myself growing in self-awareness and reflection, but more’s needed. I’ve recognized the depth of things that I need to work through and have even started to work fewer hours to focus on mental health and recovery.
None of these are easy things to deal with. And though these challenges have not been the most pleasant to go through, they’ve forced me to focus on self-care and seek help. Both in emergencies and leading to, I know friends and family are there to support, and I shouldn’t be ashamed to talk about and ask for it.
Work to live, don’t live to work
For all these changes and shifts around, I’ve sought solace in work.
In March, I changed departments and found confidence in what I was doing. It had been a year and a half since starting in the new role, but the change gave me comfort. So, I went all in. I went to work, crashed at home, then went to work again.
It’s solidified a belief that there is no such thing as “work-life balance.” The saying makes it sound like those are the only two things that matter. Whereas I believe, life’s in oscillation. Work is a part of life and is sometimes heavier and takes more attention, not-work is just as important. There is an ebb and flow, no perfect balance, and we choose what that means. Work can mean life, but to me, work is a part of life, and I want to find my oscillation.
In the same vein, I’ve uncovered some default Americanisms that I’m trying to break free of. Throughout my life, it’s been culturally ingrained to identify one’s job as one’s self, while always be working. In a recent team coaching session, we shared our lifelines, asking, “How did we get where we are today? How have our experiences informed who we are? What do we believe?”
What I found is that I’ve always been busy and full-on.
In high school: side jewelry business, sports team, Science Olympiad team, full-time school, involved in church, in the church band, family time, etc. In University: four internships, part-time jobs, summer courses, full course load for a double major, freelance design clients, relationships (romantic and friends), etc.
Just out of University and moving to the Netherlands: my first full-time job, freelance design clients, moving continents and starting my second full-time job, making new friends, taking as much as I could in, new relationships, and generally trying to do all the things.
There’s hardly a pause.
To be busy, to always be working on something, is my default.
This year, I’ve learned to pause, reflect on life, and monitor, where my energy goes, is critical and needed. “Busyness” has been a badge of honor.
Moving forward, that’s going to change.
Treasure my people; surround myself with inspiring people
In January, a friend I hadn’t seen since University visited. For three days, we caught up; I showed her around Amsterdam, we talked, debated politics, and enjoyed the reminiscing, and plans moving forward.
In June, one of my oldest colleagues from Smashing Boxes was in town for a conference where she was speaking. We did a garden tour of Amsterdam for a day and even biked to a beach near Haarlem for another day.
In August, one of my best friends visited for a week for a neuroscience conference and we went around Amsterdam, drove to Belgium, and just chilled at my house playing Scrabble.
They’re all incredible women. Two pursuing Ph.D.’s, one in Linguistics the other in Neuroscience. The other, paving the way towards a better internet. All are vocal and driving women forward in their respective fields. There are so many incredible people in the world, both in friends and at work, that inspire me daily.
Their visits highlighted how much energy I get from my friends, and learning about people. It’s one of my favorite things to hear, learn, and talk through the things everyone finds passionate. It’s my favorite thing about my work: an incredible multicultural (to the extreme, 100+ nationalities in my department) with unbelievable stories, experiences.
I went to two weddings this year that reaffirmed that belief. The first, my little sister. She’s married! Her wedding was beautiful and one of those “fairy tale” moments. My favorite part was the bringing together all the lifelong friends, not-by-blood-but-adopted family, and family. It was such a blast from the past and focused on the celebrating her, her husband, and their love.
Just a week after arriving back from my sister’s wedding, I was off to Prague to celebrate another friend’s upcoming nuptials. A big group of friends hopped on a plane and had a long weekend of drinks, touristing, and fun. A week later, we celebrated in a way that was perfect for them. The first wedding focused on family. The second, a celebration: friends.
I don’t think I’ve ever danced so much, so long.
Time slows when you have new experiences
When I began this piece, it was difficult to notice all the good that life has brought this year. A challenging road, dealt with inner turmoil, but there are good things. Even then, it’s only been a year since getting my most recent tattoo and it feels like many.
Traveling is, I believe, the way to slow down time and get more out of life. The new experiences of weddings, creating new memories, and going outside one’s normal flow of things is critical. I traveled to London and saw Harry Potter and the Cursed Child. I traveled to Rotterdam for the first time. I took multiple cooking classes, workshops on “How to give a talk like you’ve always wanted to,” and Sustainability in Action, and multiple presentations at local start-up scenes. Even the events in Amsterdam take on that slowing effect, ensuring more out of life.
Twenty-eight, onto twenty-nine
One thing is for certain, the Jonathan that started at 28 is not the same Jonathan now. All these experiences, trials, and joyous moments have taught and shaped me to be more thoughtful of my time, my energies, and where I put value. So we grow, so we learn.
Twenty-nine? I expect, in a year, it’ll be a similar story. I won’t believe where I’ve come from or how far I’ve come in a year. That said, I think I’m coming to grips with how I’m going to move forward, and actions I’m going to accordingly:
Make time to read books. 23 books in 2017 so far!
Focus on health. Walking (4,378,869 steps; 3,322km/2064mi this year) and cycling have been favorites so far, but better eating and habits are needed.
Make time to pause, recharge. Meditation worked at the beginning of the year, and has since been out of practice.
Make food for people. Invite them over for brunch, dinner.
Begin the day with breakfast and no internet.
Travel and explore! This year: Amsterdam, Alkmaar, Utrecht, Rotterdam, London, Manchester, Prague, Wilmington.
I’m curious what next year will bring