Should I say something?
When I was younger, my friends and I went on ski trips together, leaving early in the mornings. The meetup was at 4:50 AM, and we departed at 5:00 AM. If someone was late, we waited for 10 more minutes and then left. Everyone knew the rules, and everyone was treated the same. Even though the person who missed a great day on the slopes might have been frustrated, there were never arguments or debates because the agreement had been made collectively.
The world has changed since then, and so have our behaviors. Recently, I’ve been reflecting on social interactions and basic manners, especially among friends. Agreements and commitments seem to have lost their weight in today’s fast-paced, digitally connected world. The ease of changing plans through communication tools has made phrases like "sorry, can’t make it" all too common and accepted. Increasingly, people tend to double-book and make multiple plans, deciding at the last minute which ones to follow through on.
Unlike those early morning ski trips when it was impossible to communicate a delay, nowadays, with all the available tools, it comes down to respect and decency. Imagine preparing a dinner for 6 PM, clearly communicating that dinner is between 6 and 9. Then, a guest who confirmed their attendance arrives at 7:45 PM without any apology or acknowledgment. Or a person who confirmed a four-night stay at your apartment simply doesn’t show up, without canceling. Despite the time and effort spent preparing the dinner or the apartment, and the potential money lost from not subleasing, the lack of consideration and the entitlement of people to do “what’s best for me” without caring or communicating can be infuriating.
In these situations, I’m in disbelief and question the relationships with people around me, my community, and my standards and values. Self-doubt and the fear of being perceived as overly critical make me hesitate to speak up and express my opinions and feelings in most of these moments. Social dynamics and the relationship or connections with the person in question also play a role. Holding onto these feelings for the wrong reasons might harm the relationship more than addressing them, but I still haven’t learned to face these moments, big or small, immediately.
I’m often left wondering: “Should I say something?”
jonasschwaer.com