exhaustion, and books, and the lure of discoverability
🌀 tiny ramble (a little note from me to you)
Hello my internet friend,
We’ve finally crossed into February, and I’m exhausted.
Exhausted feels like it’s pretty much my permanent state these days. And I’m tired of being tired. I’m tired of talking about being tired.
And when I’m in this sort of mood, the story in my head is “well then you shouldn’t show up at all.”
But that’s not how we do community, that’s not how we do friendship.
My therapist said to me this week “maybe you’ve told people that you’re fine so many times, they’ve just stopped asking how you are".
There’s some kind of sharp truth in there. I don’t want to not be fine, I don’t want people to think I’m not fine, I don’t want people to worry about me, and I certainly don’t want to talk about my feelings.
How many of us do this? Crave connection but then throw up walls that prevent us from getting it?
So I encourage you to think about how the ways in which you might be preventing the very thing you want. Maybe you need to ask for help with your overwhelming to-do list, or send a voice note to a friend and tell them how you really are, or say no to something/someone so you can finally have that rest day.
📝 wanderings (what I’ve been ruminating on, but have no answers for)
Books vs Ebooks: I don’t want to support Amazon, but I love my Kindle. I worry about the environmental impact of buying paperbacks that I’ll read once and then donate. I do try to use the library as much as possible but physical books are so much harder to read at night in bed. (And our library system doesn’t have an ebook option that works on Kindle.) That said, I have been noticing there’s a real big difference in my experience of reading books when I read a physical copy vs my Kindle. Sometimes I feel like I’m not really present when I’m reading on Kindle — it’s hard to explain but it ends up feeling like eating a bunch of sweets and then feeling a bit nauseous. Maybe I just need to go to bed earlier so I have more reading time before lights out? (The perils of being a night owl with a light sleeping early bird partner.)
The lure of discoverability: One of the biggest things that keeps me stuck is indecision. And I keep going back and forth between blogging on my website vs substack vs both vs email newsletters vs some other option I haven’t considered. But the funny thing is I don’t actually want a substack, I find the platform very overwhelming these days BUT it has that magic word that always draws me in — DISCOVERABILITY. How will anyone ever sign up to my email list if it’s just hidden on my website? Are these words I’m writing worth anything if they’re private and not being pushed through an algorithm? Am I hurting my business my not trying to prioritise discoverability at all costs? It’s exhausting and it hurts my head.
⚡️inspiration list (where my attention has been)
I’ve been consumed by the Worlds Beyond Number podcast these past couple weeks. Podcast doesn’t do it justice, and narrative storying telling probably doesn’t mean anything to you. It’s almost like an audio book, but way better. It’s absolutely the best storytelling I’ve ever heard.
The Folk of the Air series — I read this at the end of last year, beginning of this year and I devoured it. I haven’t enjoyed a series of books this much in a long time, and I’d give all three books in the series five stars. It’s about a girl, Jude, who’s a human who has been stolen away to live in the world of the fae — which in this world is a cruel, harsh place for humans to live — and it tells the story of her trying to find her place, and gain power, and protect her siblings. I adore her as a protagonist, but she never tries to be likeable. The story is brutal at times, it’s lightly steamy at others, it’s gripping and it’s the type of world-building that feels so real you’re a little sad to leave it behind when the book finishes.
🗝️ offerings (what I’m putting out into the world)
There’s still 9 spots left for Snail Mail if you want one. It’s completely free and signing up means you’ll get a monthly letter/art project/secret note/something from me in the post. It’s my way of building offline community and a deeper kind of connection.
Emerge is my group coaching program for people wanting to create a life they love. You get monthly calls and daily coaching via WhatsApp.
The Decision Couch is my 1:1 offer for people who feel stuck, unsure of their next step, or are craving clarity. You get a 90 minute call with me, two weeks of follow up support on Voxer, and then a 30 minute wrap-up call.
🧶 wrapping up
If you want to continue the conversation, hit reply and tell something good that happened in your week or tell me how you are if “fine” isn’t allowed, or send me a book recommendation.
Talk soon,
Joeli
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P.S. If you enjoyed this or found it helpful, I would super appreciate it if you shared it with a friend. Take a picture and post on social media or forward it to someone or mention it over coffee. If you want to share a link, buttondown.com/joeli is the one to send people to.