Sometimes I write something so stupid I have to charge for it. This is one of those times. If you pay for a subscription to my newsletter you also get access to the full archive and compensate me for the time I spend writing it. Thanks!

Three years ago I was booked to play at a party alongside Trusme, a DJ whose name begins with the letter T and mine begins with the letter J. When the promoters made the flyer for the party (which was not announced in public, by the way, it was a pretty illegal private party) they put the artist names in alphabetical order: my name was in the middle and Trusme’s name was at the bottom of the list. I heard, through the grapevine, that he wasn’t happy about being at the bottom of the list, leading the promoters to rejig the flyer with the headliners — me and him — at the top. Apparently, he STILL wasn’t happy about being in second place below me, so they redid the flyer a further time with his name at the top. Finally he was content.

I tell this anecdote because I’ve had one thing on my mind all week, one vital topic that lies at the root of the dance music industry’s much announced collapse, one thing so important that if we could just solve it the world would be a much better place: festival poster lineup design. More precisely, how do you successfully announce your blockbuster festival lineup in a way that translates through a six inch screen? In a way that sells the tickets you so desperately need to shift in order to remain solvent for another year? But also in a way that communicates what your festival is about? And meets your contractual obligations regarding the artists’ billing? etc etc etc??

I guess it’s been on my mind because we are balls deep into festival lineup announcement season and they simply aren’t letting up. With every new announcement on IG there’s a chance to examine the contortions festivals and their designers go through when putting together their posters. So I’ve collected a few and am sharing my THOUGHTS.

Let’s start with a poster that takes absolutely no chances: A-Z billing, all caps, consistent font size, even the b2bs are split up so each individual artist gets their day in the alphabetised sun. At the top it tells you it’s A-Z in case you were unable to deduce that from the fact it’s in alphabetical order.

I give this poster further bonus points for placing the one “DJ”-DJ (God knows how there’s only one, given the proliferation of these in recent years) under “D” for “DJ”, a choice that shouldn’t be controversial yet, as we will find out below, apparently is…