DJ Dreams: Anxiety
Yes! It’s time for a selection of the DJ anxiety dreams people have shared with me, some from the whatsapp archives between me and my friends, and others sent to me since I first mentioned this a fortnight ago.
Had an anxiety dream about a mixer’s channels being wired up wrongly so nothing matched up.
Before we get to the good stuff, we need to get something out of the way: DJ anxiety dreams of the above kind seem pretty universal and, I’m sorry, are nothing very special.
Everyone has at some point dreamt about the equipment not working, the records running out, or the crowd peremptorily leaving when you start playing. Sometimes these dreams barely scratch the surface of the surreal, coming off more like your unconscious reminding you how unedifying being a DJ can often be:
Just woke out of a very long and detailed dream set at a long and rubbish music festival at which I was scheduled to play both on Wednesday and Sunday, where none of the stages were loud enough or busy enough and all the people were people I recognised but couldn’t place.
I see this generic category of dreaming of ‘things that could feasibly go wrong actually going wrong’ as analagous with broader anxiety dream fodder, like losing control of a car or failing to wake up in time for an interview. So I won’t waste more time on it here. Sure, it can be quite unsettling to have a dream like this, especially right before a gig, but in the crazy stakes it pales in comparison to what follows.
A worthwhile DJ anxiety dream takes the basic template and builds on it with something new or surreal. Things go wrong but with a surreal personal twist. Many of my favourites actually have to do with preparing for the gig rather than the gig itself: those nerve-filled days prior to the gig where you’re thinking about what to play – and what the crowd will want to hear you play – and making decisions that to your hypersensitive self-image seem far more significant than they probably are. That’s prime raw material for an active and preoccupied unconscious.
First up is a classic lateness dream that takes an unexpected turn:
Got so into packing my records that I didn’t realise it was nearly 7pm on Friday and my train (?) to the UK was leaving in half an hour. Thought I could still make it in time but then realised my bag was full of Björk records.
My first reaction to this is to think “Well, that would be a great set” – and indeed this DJ did in fact sneak in a Björk(-featuring) record one of the last times I saw them play. But it’s fair to say that I too would be rather exasperated in this situation: we spend so long thinking about what will go with what for a particular party, that to end up with a Björk-only bag is a bit of a letdown. I’m also pretty sure 7pm on Friday is too late a departure time to be trying to get from Berlin to the UK by train in time for a headline set, but…minor details.
Topping that one is a dream that combines several problems that are on the verge of realistic but become totally preposterous when put together:
I arrived at our first residency night at a new club in France (where we were meant to play in real life). The turntables were listening decks with tiny and over-sensitive pitch wheels. I opened my bag to find only comics instead of records. My dream self found it totally legit that I would have packed comics instead of records, and blamed myself because apparently I had packed my bag in the dark. When I finally got some records I mixed in a minimal tune that unexpectedly turned into gospel hip hop, causing the booker to come over to me angrily because it didn’t fit the club.
It’s a banger. I especially like the dream self thinking “Of course! I shouldn’t have packed in the dark!” as if that’s the obvious conclusion rather than “Which of you bastards replaced my records with comics?!” Clearly this dreamer was worried about their own performance being comic, but I actually firmly take their side on the minimal-into-gospel-hip-hop selection. Fuck that booker!
Building further on the bag prep concept but with an added interpersonal twist, we have an entry from fellow Spaced-head Tho featuring his partner Jen. He sent this one as a voice message, which I transcribe here for your enjoyment:
I’ve had this dream where Jen likes UK garage so much, especially a track called ‘MC Spicey’, that before a gig she will sneak into my music room and repack all my records with just the same ‘MC Spicey’ record. So when I get to the gig all I can do is just continually play ‘MC Spicey’ for two hours straight. Not the dub side but the vocal side, cos that’s the side she likes.
This dream is funny enough as it is, but it gets even funnier when you imagine two hours of this on repeat.
To finish in style, here’s a DJ anxiety dream par excellence courtesy of my good friend Bleimann. This one has everything and nothing need be added:
The DJ booth was weirdly far from the club, so I couldn’t see anyone dancing (eventually I had to close a door meaning I couldn’t see anything). Every time I tried to play a record there were improbable problems: one of the records was just a round disc of linen, which obviously the needle wouldn’t go on to. One was actually one of those bowls made out of old vinyl records. One of the needles was just an exposed piece of copper wire.
So there was just total radio silence as I became increasingly panicked about my inability to play a record, let alone one which would go down well with the crowd.
Eventually I find a single playable record in my bag, which was…‘The Sweet Escape’ by Gwen Stefani. I put it on and everyone rushes to the floor and it goes off.
And that was the entirety of my set and I wake up.
I’ll be back soon with a selection of DJ and clubbing dreams that move beyond anxiety into more cute/joyful/batshit crazy territory.
Sweet dreams tonight!