Dissident World Cup! (Part Three)
The final rounds of the Dissident World Cup!
Here is the full bracket after the first round (Part 1 and Part 2):
Expect the match-ups in the remaining rounds to come thick and fast, so without further ado…
Round of 32: Group One
Den Haan - ‘Night Shift’ vs Kruton - ‘Cheddar Heights’
My first listen to Den Haan’s ‘Night Shift’ was highly successful: it’s a rollicking italo banger with a high-camp vocal and brilliant chord progressions. Teamy tells me that while, on the surface, it seems to be about love, it’s actually really about being a shelf-stacker at Tesco: “I don’t work for love/I work for the money, honey”. This endears it to me even more. It’s incredibly catchy and possibly the most perfectly-formed ‘song’ in this tournament.
Can it take out ‘Cheddar Heights’? Well, it’s a really tough one. “I’ve just realised how hard this is gonna get,” Teamy says, but we have to be ruthless about it. I note that while the opening section and drop on ‘Cheddar Heights’ is one of the highest points of everything we’ve heard, the track doesn’t necessarily develop on that initial impact as well as it could. It meanders a bit, as is Kruton’s wont. By contrast, ‘Night Shift’ has a perfectly realised musical structure and resolution to it.
In the end, the impact of that bassline drop in ‘Cheddar Heights’ isn’t quite enough to carry it through. The Cock marches onward.
Winner: Den Haan - ‘Night Shift’
Cage & Aviary - ‘Television Train’ vs Invincible Scum - ‘House Of The Rising Scum’
We both really like both of these. Don’t make us choose! And it’s especially difficult when they’re so different stylistically. Teamy says he feels like ‘House Of The Rising Scum’ is the best of all of the loopy Andy acid workouts and I agree, so we put it through. But only just.
Winner: Invincible Scum - ‘House Of The Rising Scum’
Gatto Fritto - ‘Hungry Ghosts’ vs Helium Robots - ‘Metallic Dawn’
The almost-a-melter that sounds like “the slight afterglow of falling in love”, from Gatto Fritto, faces off against the “subtly delightfully weirdly constructed dubstep-adjacent thing”, by Helium Robots. Again it’s tough, but the unique memories associated with that moment of silence in ‘Metallic Dawn’ give it the edge.
Winner: Helium Robots - ‘Metallic Dawn’
Spacelex - ‘Happy Birthday’ vs Muravchix - ‘Tropical Warrior’
I wasn’t much convinced by ‘Happy Birthday’ in the first round, so it’s not very difficult for us to agree that ‘Tropical Warrior’ takes this one. So far Muravchix has sailed through both rounds, but something tells me his days are numbered…
Winner: Muravchix - ‘Tropical Warrior’
Round of 32: Group Two
Hardton - ‘Marilyn’ vs Discodromo - ‘Guinea (Andy Blake’s Edit)’
We only listened to ten seconds of Discodromo in the first round before giving them a bye, promising to listen properly in round two. Those ten seconds clearly impressed us a lot, however, as despite our best intentions we decide to put ‘Guinea’ through again without relistening. That means the George x Kylie pastiche ‘Marilyn’ is out. Sorry, gay.
Winner: Discodromo - ‘Guinea (Andy Blake’s Edit)’
S.C.S. - ‘Redemption’ vs Spacelex - ‘Pretty Face’
‘Redemption’ was a pleasantly garagey listen in the first round and we already foresaw its victory over whatever track it came up against next. So here we are, and ‘Redemption’ goes through.
Winner: S.C.S. - ‘Redemption’
The Off-Key Hat - ‘Emergency Calling’ vs Ali Renault - ‘Zombie Raffle’
These are both heavy hitters and it feels like either of them could go far in the rest of the bracket. We both really liked the dubby chug of ‘Emergency Calling’, which surprised strong contender Truffle Club in round one. ‘Zombie Raffle’ is also a big chugger, even more so when played on 33, but The Off-Key Hat’s steamy song takes it.
Winner: The Off-Key Hat - ‘Emergency Calling’
Brassica - ‘Illness From Awareness’ vs Heartbreak - ‘Akin To Dancing (The Horrors Remix)’
Brassica won his round one bout on a technicality, so he faced a tough fight here in round two. Both of us agree that The Horrors’ remix of Heartbreak is the stronger contender so through it goes.
Winner: Heartbreak - ‘Akin To Dancing (The Horrors Remix)’
Round of 32: Group Three
Photonz - ‘Shaboo (Andy’s Edit)’ vs Control Voltage - ‘The Bounce’
While ‘No Fear’ got upset earlier, this other Photonz track got a bye into the second round and so this is my first listen. I’m impressed: ‘Shaboo’, edited by Andy Blake, is a highly retro tune with a big 80s bassline and all the requisite rave elements. “Top gear” says Teamy.
We give ‘The Bounce’ by Control Voltage (another Andy alias) a proper listen this time round too, and Teamy instantly pulls a rave face: “This is a proper weapon — I can already feel my jaw tightening.” It’s definitely one of the heavier tunes in the catalogue, all squalls of acid and slamming drums. Feeling bad for Photonz losing out in two very tight early matches, we give this one to ‘The Bounce’, but they’re both big bangers.
Winner: Control Voltage - ‘The Bounce’
Ali Renault - ‘Our World Is….’ vs G&S - ‘Show Me The Good Times’
G&S got through their first round match sight unseen, so we give them a listen now. ‘Show Me The Good Times’ is a pleasant enough mid-tempo italo chugger, but it doesn’t stand out enough to take on Ali Renault’s slow-as-treacle facemelter.
Winner: Ali Renault - ‘Our World Is….’
Casionova - ‘Shoreham Harbour Blues (Ali Renault Remix)’ vs Midnight Steppers - ‘Locked Out’
Teamy helps jog my memory by doing an impression of ‘Locked Out’ — “it goes bom-badom-bom-bom” — and I instantly remember how much I liked it. In fact I already added it to my wantlist. But then we replay Ali Renault’s remix of Casionova and remember how much we like that one too. Teamy rationalises this very tough decision by noting how both of us would play Midnight Steppers out, a lot. Can’t argue with that.
Winner: Midnight Steppers - ‘Locked Out’
Den Haan - ‘Theme From Den Haan’ vs Cage & Aviary - ‘Giorgio Carpenter’
Teamy is rather peremptory here and gives this one to Den Haan straight off. He asks me if I preferred ‘Theme From Den Haan’ to ‘Night Shift’ on first listen and I give a true politician’s answer, saying I like them both for different reasons. Could an all-Den Haan final (a “Den Haan Derby”?) be on the cards?
Winner: Den Haan - ‘Theme From Den Haan’
Round of 32: Group Four
The Niallist - ‘The Hots’ vs Naum Gabo - ‘Spessivtseva’
Teamy gets excited with this head-to-head as a sporting match-up, as it’s Northern Ireland (Jonnie Wilkes of Naum Gabo) vs Republic of Ireland (The Niallist). The fact that both musicians ended up in Glasgow (and The Niallist now in Manchester) is besides the point. Teamy knowing both artists also throws a spanner in the works. I throw my hands up and tell him he has to choose.
He says ‘The Hots’ achieves the tricky task of doing sleaze really well, and we both appreciate the lyrics referencing “very” from Heathers and then rhyming it with “involuntary”. Despite our hearts being with The Niallist, our heads can’t deny the sheer production values of ‘Spessivtseva’. We just love the depth of it, and have to put it through.
Winner: Naum Gabo - ‘Spessivtseva’
Kruton - ‘Nitro Hassle’ vs S.C.S - ‘Model Specific’
Unfortunately for ‘Model Specific’ it’s up against one of the few Dissident records I knew and loved before we started this whole exercise. So Teamy bows to my admitted partiality and ‘Nitro Hassle’ goes through.
Winner: Kruton - ‘Nitro Hassle’
Binary Chaffinch - ‘Guitar Shaped Heart’ vs Caja De Ritmos - ‘Drumstep1’
This here is definitely the most bizarre match-up of the entire tournament. It’s “weird art rock versus an 11-minute kick drum”. Teamy says it’s head vs heart again, but both his head and his heart are saying ‘Drumstep1’. I agree — the ASMR banger is victorious. Could it storm its tippy-tappy way to the top?!
Winner: Caja De Ritmos - ‘Drumstep1’
Tommy Walker 3 - ‘Sure As’ vs Kruton - ‘Unresolved Trilogy’
Kruton is already through with ‘Nitro Hassle’ and we both like ‘Sure As’ a lot, so we give this one to Tommy Walker pretty quickly. Looking ahead, we foresee the end of Caja De Ritmo’s run…or do we? There is some nervous laughter as we tacitly acknowledge the possibility of ‘Drumstep1’ making it into the quarter-finals…
Winner: Tommy Walker 3 - ‘Sure As’
Top 16
Den Haan - ‘Night Shift’ vs Invincible Scum - ‘House Of The Rising Scum’
This looks like a tough one on paper. In fact we reckon they’re all going to be tough from now on. But ‘Night Shift’ is a juggernaut and it crushes the Invincible Scum. Not so invincible now, are ya!
Winner: Den Haan - ‘Night Shift’
Helium Robots - ‘Metallic Dawn’ vs Muravchix - ‘Tropical Warrior’
“I don’t even have to think about this one,” says Teamy. We both like the Muravchix tune a lot, but it’s no match for that moment of silence. ‘Metallic Dawn’ moves on.
Winner: Helium Robots - ‘Metallic Dawn’
Discodromo - ‘Guinea (Andy Blake’s Edit)’ vs S.C.S. - ‘Redemption’
We finally give ‘Guinea’ a proper listen over the hifi and face-scrunching commences as soon as that bassline drops. It reminds Teamy of Apiento’s ‘The Orange Place’, which Andy Blake would also release a couple of years later on World Unknown, and indeed they are very similar. “This is Panoramabar out the fucking wazoo,” Teamy observes.
To keep things fair we also give ‘Redemption’ a proper listen, or at least as proper as Junodownload preview will afford. It’s weird hearing a track this fast compared to everything else in the bracket, and we enjoy imagining it destroying the WU dancefloor around 5am. The bassline is fat and the effects are trippy, but in the end we go with the undeniable pump of ‘Guinea’. We take a joint vow to play both tunes out in a club.
Winner: Discodromo - ‘Guinea (Andy Blake’s Edit)’
The Off-Key Hat - ‘Emergency Calling’ vs Heartbreak - ‘Akin To Dancing (The Horrors Remix)’
Compared to the previous nail-biter, this is a rout. The Off-Key Hat go through.
Winner: The Off-Key Hat - ‘Emergency Calling’
Control Voltage - ‘The Bounce’ vs Ali Renault - ‘Our World Is….’
Surprisingly, and perhaps controversially, we give this one to Control Voltage without much discussion. With hindsight, by this point some tiredness may have been at play in our decision making. The finish line was coming into view, and we didn’t want to prolong matters any more than necessary. Ali Renault’s final horse in the race was thus ignominiously ousted.
Winner: Control Voltage - ‘The Bounce’
Midnight Steppers - ‘Locked Out’ vs Den Haan - ‘Theme From Den Haan’
Midnight Steppers have had a hell of a bracket so far, defeating two strong favourites in Photonz and Casionova and now facing off against the great Den Haan. But ‘Locked Out’ is equal to the task, and we both agree that it deserves to progress. No Den Haan Derby, then, but ‘Night Shift’ remains in the running.
Winner: Midnight Steppers - ‘Locked Out’
Naum Gabo - ‘Spessivtseva’ vs Kruton - ‘Nitro Hassle’
“Oof,” says Teamy. It’s Naum Gabo’s perfectly created wobbly bassline vs Kruton’s amazing drum freakout. We have to listen to them again to make a decision. The production on ‘Spessivtseva’ is just so compelling: with its fascinating elasticity and amazing reverb, it’s difficult to compete. With regret I wave goodbye to my cherished ‘Nitro Hassle’ and Kruton bows out of the tournament.
Winner: Naum Gabo - ‘Spessivtseva’
Caja De Ritmos - ‘Drumstep1’ vs Tommy Walker 3 - ‘Sure As’
Both of us were amazed Caja De Ritmos made it this far, and Teamy confesses to feeling a little pride in the weirdo underdog’s pitter-pattering achievement. We’re sad to see it go, but we simply can’t justify putting it through over the buoyant ‘Sure As’. The golden run comes to an end just before the quarter-finals. It was glorious while it lasted.
Winner: Tommy Walker 3 - ‘Sure As’
Quarter-finals
Den Haan - ‘Night Shift’ vs Helium Robots - ‘Metallic Dawn’
“Oh no!” we both declaim. It’s only gonna get worse from here. This head-to-head is so personal for Teamy — there was his story of playing ‘Metallic Dawn’ at his own party in Glasgow, and then there’s the fact that his naked torso appears on the Den Haan LP cover — that I leave it to him.
‘Night Shift’ is a perfectly crafted pop song, but in the end we both agree that ‘Metallic Dawn’ pulls off something more unique and unusual.
Winner: Helium Robots - ‘Metallic Dawn’
Discodromo - ‘Guinea (Andy Blake’s Edit)’ vs The Off-Key Hat - ‘Emergency Calling’
The same criteria comes to bear on this match-up. Andy’s edit of ‘Guinea’ is an immaculately made piece of chug, but ‘Emergency Calling’ shoots for something more complex and is ultimately a more rewarding repeat listen. Each time we revisit it, it reveals further layers. ‘Guinea’ goes out in the quarter-finals, but we’ll both be playing it out. A lot.
Winner: The Off-Key Hat - ‘Emergency Calling’
Control Voltage - ‘The Bounce’ vs Midnight Steppers - ‘Locked Out’
‘The Bounce’ has flown the flag high for the gnarlier side of Dissident up to this point, and has had me browsing through the other releases on the dedicated Control Voltage sub-label too. But it’s up against ‘Locked Out’, which Teamy says has been a staple of his bag over the years, and which I know will become a staple of mine. The Midnight Steppers have to take it. ‘The Bounce’ was Andy’s last horse left in this race, and sadly it’s been put out to pasture.
Winner: Midnight Steppers - ‘Locked Out’
Naum Gabo - ‘Spessivtseva’ vs Tommy Walker 3 - ‘Sure As’
Teamy sticks on the second half of ‘Spessivtseva’ again. It’s intimidatingly well crafted. As much as we like the Human League stylings of ‘Sure As’, the Caja De Ritmos-slayer takes its final bow and Naum Gabo complete our lineup for the semis.
Winner: Naum Gabo - ‘Spessivtseva’
Semi-finals
Helium Robots - ‘Metallic Dawn’ vs The Off-Key Hat - ‘Emergency Calling’
“I think I know where this is heading” I say. “I really don’t” says Teamy. He suggests we try and take out the personal element and assess the tracks for what they are — but it’s difficult when one of these tracks has a 15-year-old vintage Discogs comment on it from Teamy himself. ‘Metallic Dawn’ is the most unique of the four semi-finalists. But then I find myself humming along to ‘Emergency Calling’ as we listen again: a bit like Maurice Fulton’s remix of Alice Smith’s ‘Love Endeavour’, it’s instantly catchy and has a universal appeal.
Teamy looks ahead a little bit by saying that whichever of these two goes out at this stage will likely take the bronze medal playoff. After some final umming and ahhing, we determine that while ‘Metallic Dawn’ is a brilliant technical achievement, ‘Emergency Calling’ is a better all-rounder, and therefore should go through to the final.
Winner: The Off-Key Hat - ‘Emergency Calling’
Midnight Steppers - ‘Locked Out’ vs Naum Gabo - ‘Spessivtseva’
We actually decide this semi-final before the other one, since it feels like the easier choice. ‘Spessivtseva’ has been an imposing presence through most of this bracket but in the end it can’t compete with the fun immediacy of ‘Locked Out’. And we have our finalists!
Winner: Midnight Steppers - ‘Locked Out’
Grand Final!!
The Off-Key Hat - ‘Emergency Calling’ vs Midnight Steppers - ‘Locked Out’
Well, we’ve finally made it. Neither of us expected this final. The Dissident big hitters — Ali Renault, Gatto Fritto, Kruton, Den Haan, Andy Blake himself — have all been knocked out one by one. Leftfield upstarts like Caja De Ritmos and Tommy Walker 3 have fought valiantly but fallen before the final hurdles. We’ve spent the past five hours listening to everything in the Dissident catalogue and only two contenders remain.
Out of the two combatants, there’s only one which, when we think about matching it up with any other entrant, would always win. And it’s not the Midnight Steppers. Teamy says he reckons he’d give ‘Metallic Dawn’ from the bronze medal playoff the trophy over ‘Locked Out’, but it just so happens that a quirk of the draw saw the latter get knocked out before the grand final. Nevertheless, Neville Watson and Alex Martin’s fun party banger has had an incredible run to get this far and we both know we’ll be jamming it at parties for the foreseeable. (Editor’s note: I have indeed been playing this non-stop since November.)
Thus, through inexorable logic, the track that vanquished ‘Metallic Dawn’, and we imagine would beat out every other contender in this bracket, takes the title. The Off-Key Hat’s ‘Emergency Calling’ (the extended 12” mix on Dissident, not the shorter album version) strikes us as a modern classic, the kind that merits exchanges like this on the internet years after it came out:
We can just picture the Pbar scenes when that progression at five minutes in hit: utter mayhem at 97bpm.
To finish, here’s some wonderfully grainy footage of The Off-Key Hat performing the song — including that moment — at Plan B in Brixton in 2010:
Winner: The Off-Key Hat - ‘Emergency Calling’
So there we have it!
Sixty-two records went into this bracket and one has emerged victorious. It might not be the winner any of us expected, nor is it necessarily representative of the label as a whole. But what individual track would be? Andy Blake’s great achievement with Dissident — besides being directly involved in producing around a quarter of the releases and indirectly involved in the rest — was the sheer diversity of sounds and moods he put out there, never too obvious (except when trying to be) and always with a point of view.
The label feels both of its time and out of it, and I reckon that any of today’s more adventurous DJs would find something here to cherish and play out. And while most of the catalogue is available digitally, I find it highly romantic to think that those distinctive single-sided Dissident 12s will be showing up in bargain bins across the world for decades to come, patiently waiting to make their way into just the right hands.
Both Teamy and I would like to say a big THANK YOU to Andy and all the artists who contributed to the label, and who have taken this little diversion of ours in good humour. Fifteen years after Dissident appeared on the scene, it seems it still has much to give.
Now…who’s next?