Metapost: Pre-vacation comments of the week!

FOLKS! You’re getting an early COTW because I, your friend the Comics Curmudgeon, am going on a li’l vacation! I’ll be back on September 10th but until then your favorite Uncle Lumpy will, once again, be in the driver’s seat, so be as nice to him as possible – significantly nicer than you are to me. He loves each and every one one of you too much to take sides and choose a comment of the week, but I have no such compunctions and offer you this, the slightly truncated week’s top comment!

"There's something perversely impressive about the lengths that Marvin goes to in contriving setups for its scatological punchlines. An inquisitive reader might be tempted to question why the titular brat has been placed in time-out in his family's backyard, of all places, but that would be missing the point. It's like porn, but for poop jokes." --Urlance Woolsbane

And your runners up are, of course, hilarious!

"I like the idea that between strips Slylock is constantly going before the police budget committee to fund another piece if machinery to keep up with Count Weirdly. 'No, see it can't just be a regular open-cockpit jet, we have to customize it to look like me! I don't have the entire estimate yet but why don't we just tack on another 500 thousand and call it a day, okay?’” --pugfuggly

"News that Prohibition ended has finally reached Hootin' Holler, and Snuffy's repurposed his moonshine distillery to produce green bio-fuels." --Schroduck

"Dawn realizes that if she can keep Jared on the phone long enough, the approaching California wildfire will envelop his apartment. 'Tell me,' she says soothingly, 'about Star Wars episodes one to three.’” --Little Blue Bicycle

"Maybe my knowledge of online auction platforms is lacking, but it doesn't seem like a task that requires active supervision. My guess is that Mindy has discovered the digital age equivalent of going out for cigarettes and never coming back." --Francisco Arrowroot

"Thank you for creepily emerging from the shadows just when I was at my most emotionally frail state." --Cass

"I mean, I like bronze. I sometimes spend time sitting down and thinking about how well made bronze can be more molecularly stable than pure gold. And what it means that while it may outlast stars and galaxies and fucking proton decay, bronze is made up by people rather than the naturally occurring, pure elemental gold. The point here is that Jared's mere existence is an insult to bronze." -- Amelie Wikström

"I wonder if The Big Chill is playing at the movie theater that specifically caters to us." --taig

"Holly talks a good game of needless despair, but her words lack the weight of confident action behind them. Meanwhile, Funky has already quietly unbuckled his safety belt and is patiently waiting for a tractor-trailer in the oncoming lane." --jroggs

"So I'm thinking of getting a smaller mattress, maybe even a twin." --made of wince

"Shoe and Mary Worth collectively agreed on the exact lighting choice to communicate 'no sex tonight.' And you know what, not a bad job." --Dan

"For hurting the feelings of Saintly Jared, Dawn will be punished by having to spend time with Saintly Jared." --Ettorre

"Maybe they want to die in a fire, Crankshaft, ever thought of that? Maybe living in your proximity is the inferior option, have you ever considered that possibility?" --Applemask