November 22, 2024

Metapost: Pre-prandial comments of the week

I'm not a scientist, but I'm pretty sure that laughter is the best way to expand your stomach in preparation for your upcoming Thanksgiving binge. And what better way to get your chortle on than to enjoy this week's top comment?

"Having been corrected on his grammar one time too many, Arty makes sure to double down on his frequently-confused words to confound whoever and whomever might try to talk down to him." --jroggs

The runners up will also do the job, laughter-wise!

"Mr. Wilson frowns looking at the title of the strip, as he realizes that he can't sell the punchline, that he's really the author of this strip, as long as 'Hank Ketcham's Dennis the Menace’ is right there in large lettering." --likeagrapefruit

"We know that Mr. Wilson has been trapped in an unchanging hell for almost 75 years now where he is damned to be tormented by a young boy who inexplicably likes him until the end of time (or until the IP is no longer profitable for the syndicate). Canonically, though, Dennis is a 5-year-old child. Unless Henry and Alice are monstrously neglectful parents, it's safe to assume that Dennis has been allowed to roam about outside unsupervised for less than a year (and that they live in a world where it's safe to let 5-year-old roam about outside unsupervised). This means a grown man is sitting down to write a book complaining about a kid he's probably only known for a few months." --Tabby Lavalamp

"'Well enough of this,’ says Dustin's dad as he slowly pulls a pistol from his waistband." --knockinghats

"But why, Alice? Why do-- What is-- [[pinches bridge of nose]] Look, okay, there are eight (8) words in your one-panel comic strip and 25% of them are 'inner child,” so why do you need the caption? Did King Features Syndicate hide 'ALL COMIC STRIPS MUST CONTAIN NO FEWER THAN TEN WORDS' somewhere in the fine print, or do you really and truly think that we won't get it? (I mean, I don't really ever get what's going on in this strip, but I realize that this is a me problem.)" --els

"The Gasoline Alley 'children' are rendered in the most disturbing ways possible -- each 'child' is rendered differently, yet in a way to make each one uniquely repellent. At least there's a reason for Dick Tracy Moon People to have different irises than Earth People -- they're different species! The Dustin artist(s) use different styles of eyes on all the characters to indicate surprise or some other emotion. There's no reason for these Gasoline Alley 'children' to have different eyes, different hair, yet the same weird hand gestures borrowed from Rex Morgan. I demand an explanation, or a retraction as papers used to do when Doonesbury was too liberal." --Doc Wonmug

"If you're having trouble with sleep, there's a comic strip I can prescribe. You don't have any allergies to roots country music do you?" --Maltmash3r

"You know in any realistic suburban living scenario Hi would be out there laying traps, poison, ultrasound alarms or just straight up taking an axe to any and every part of this infestation of rabbits, squirrels, birds, purple weeds and whatnot ruining the perfectly flat sterile lawn aesthetic the HOA is going for. Mom needs reality TV to feel like there's something genuine and alive in her home, don't judge her too hard, smug baby." --Amelie Wikström

"Rex gives the whitest, least-sassy possible interpretation of 'talk to the hand.’” --But What Do I Know?

"Look, I have a Marvin-aged son, and he's about as tall as my hips. I know comics exaggerate for artistic effect, but he's just too small. He's the size of his mother's foot! This doesn't look like #relatable parenting content about a troublesome toddler, it looks like a horrible little leprechaun is breaking into schools and homes and peeing all over them." --Schroduck

"Better questions for Sarge to ask: How will I protect my eyes from the wind and flying particles? Is that even a windshield, or just a metal bar over the hood? Where exactly is the engine in this Jeep? Where are the seatbelts? Am I going to die alone and friendless except for my disturbingly human-like dog on this trip to town? I'm going to die, aren't I?" --I'm Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

"You see, if you really are psychic, you don't need a title on the front of the book, because you already know what's in it. Having the title on the back just reaffirms your powers." --voshkod

"Marvin knows that he was dragged from the depths of Hell by a screeching Shogoth and regurgitated upon this plane to make mankind suffer for their sins, but he does not remember the other children being in the abyss with him, so he is confused." --Old Man Shadow

"I guess Gearhead Gertie's husband -- you know what, I'm just gonna call him Hubcap Hubby -- is realizing he's gonna have to make a pit stop and change his own tires tonight, because Gertie's too busy fueling up with premium unleaded smugness to bother showing human affection." --Craig!

"Mary's avoidance of extra work really puts the 'quit' in 'taquitos’” --nescio

"I think our understanding of Mary and Jeff's relationship is all wrong. She is one of those button up on the outside/vixen on the inside types. Why, look, today Jeff is trying to leave for the night as he has a busy day tomorrow, but she in true dom fashion demands that he meet her needs. 'My pleasure! ... dear.' He promptly responds. It's a short leash." --Joe Momma

"I'd give Andy Bear a pass on being unable to open a mere milk carton because he lacks opposable thumbs, but the pliers won't help with that. Tear that flimsy thing to pieces with your powerful teeth and claws!" --matt w

"Get it? Charge card? But seriously, robot: is there any amount if money that will get us out of this? I can get it I swear! Please!!!!" --pugfuggly

"Okay, I've accepted that they're not going to be in an alley, but they're not even using gasoline?!" --Dan

"Ahhh no, Harry Hypno is going to put everyone in a trance and make them do his bidding! Oh, wait, you say that's just a regular guy, and that's how his eyes normally look, and that creepy thing he does with his hands is just how he expresses himself when he talks? And he gets people to do his bidding through bribes and threats, just like any normal schmo? Never mind." --BigTed

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