Metapost: Look upon these comments, and rejoice

Would you describe yourself as "working for the weekend"? Well, good news: It's almost here, and this week's top comment heralds the fun:

"Wouldn't it be funny if someone tried to make homemade pizza for their family, but all they did was dump some mozzarella and pepperoni slices on a baking tray? Well, if you get a kick out of contrived implications suggesting a young mother probably has some serious neurological health problems, then this comic's for you, you absolute jerk!" --jroggs

These runners up are also a darn hoot!

"'State-of-the-art digital' snack machines that look exactly like any other vending machines, except they spell Snackz with a 'z'? Yep, that checks out. There probably are higher-tech food dispensers available, but the staff really enjoys the laughs when Dagwood gets his hand stuck up this one two or three times a week." --BigTed

"I'm sorry the syndicate chose not to print the last row of panels, where Mark's horse bucks him off, tramples him, and runs off to join the horse orgy." --Pozzo

"Interesting that the narration box calls Sal a 'former acquaintance' while Keith seems to think they were 'ol’ pals’. Looking forward to the phone call between these two as Keith explains his current situation in an overly-familiar way while Sal desperately tries to get context clues to figure out who the fuck he is." --pugfuggly

"Sal, two weeks later: 'Turns out, your hunch was right -- she has the exact same fingerprints as you, old buddy!’” --Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

"Given her whispery delivery, her pseudo-threatening commentary and the way she's sitting in that chair, I think it's clear to see that Lois has become the 'Godmother' of some Italian crime syndicate. I ... wouldn't be asking her too many question if I were you, Hi." --2+2=7

"I think I'll send my ol' pal Sal a request. 'You Are the Sunshine of My Life' would be a good one. I'll have him dedicate to Kitty and Sonia." --Weaselboy

"Given their remote location and unstated food insecurity, it kind of makes you wonder what was in the cookie jar. Here are my guesses: 1. Loweezy's Homemade Mo-Lasses Snaps. 2. Those inexpensive flower shaped 'butter' cookies that have a hole in the middle so that small kids can wear them like a ring. 3. Bullets." --Old School Allie Cat

"Today's Snuffy Smith shows the dangerously non-Euclidian nature of the Smif Shack. Corners and straight lines collide in a cacophony of geometry chaos. Roofs run together in total disregard of stability or sanity. Of the spoor the Haunter o' th' Holler leaves, broken perspective is the plainest. The mind tries to bend unreality into being and recoils in terror. Only the strange can live among the strangeness; only those touched by the Haunter can survive near it. The TVA men knew it when they surveyed the Holler in the 30's, and the Army recruiters understood that no soldier can be found in such soft spots of the Earth. Here is the rock upon which the New Deal foundered, the shadowed glen that Social Security ignores, the dark corner that neither Internet nor spy satellite can find. Welcome to Hootin' Holler." --Voshkod

"So we actually have two cartoons today with the same setting? Hell (Hell) and Hell (Williamsport, PA), do I have that right?" --I'm Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

"Yes, my nephew. You do realize there's only about 80 people in this universe, right? The odds aren't quite as long as you might think." --cheech wizard

"Can't believe Family Circus threw in a detail like PJ's ragged, torn-up, threadbare blanket but somehow refrained from referring to it in the text. I spent a confused few microseconds wondering if the blanket symbolized PJ's own impeding twilight years, or perhaps death, like a memento mori in a Renaissance painting. Then I remembered it was Family Circus and it was just another sign that the Keane Kids were encouraged to fend for themselves while Daddy drunk-worked and Mommy consoled herself with opiates and daydreams." --Chance

"We can't all be winners.’ Just from exposure to Keith, Kitty has gone from progressive vegetarian to Randian libertarian! The sex must be that good!" --Ettorre

"Park Ranger Turns Pale Seeing This 'Odd Rock’. He Calls Police When He Realizes What's Inside" --Knocking Hats

"Julie dumped Chip because she couldn't bear his techno hipsterism. How is a teen meant to maintain a relationship with a boy who still has a 2003-era Nokia? I'm amazed it even supports the Unicode emoji block." --Schroduck

"A piece of rope just being there is the most menacing damned thing this comic has ever presented. Are the adults all bound and gagged in the basement while Dennis and Joey watch Better Call Saul, and this is a piece left over, or is Dennis just ready to take care of matters if Joey starts on about how TV shows about troubled men may be critically praised but they're beginning to wear out their welcome as far as he's concerned?" --Tabby Lavalamp

"Chip misread Julie's cryptic suggestion that they go on a date to the movies to see Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire, the fifth major film in the franchise? If Chip does finally pick up on the clue, he'd be smart not to engage in any debate about the 2016 reboot and its relationship to the main series." --Philip