Metapost: C to the O to the T to the W

Enjoy your weekend in the humorous glow of this week's top comment!

"Justin is doing his own thing, as always? No. I don't believe it. Oh, wait ... a lava lamp? I stand corrected." --Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

Your runners up will also bring you a smile, from their funniness!

"Oh, I know why. It's because Slylock is an adherent of Thomas Nagel's epistemological skepticism, whose central premise is to doubt the existence of everything, including, but not limited to, Reeky's proffered alibi. So that one was easy today. I'll bet all the kids will get it!" --Bob Tice

"What is it about the weird bird world that Shoe takes place in that nobody can have a straight conversation? It must be hellish to live in a society where even the most basic of questions is met with either a stupid pun or a sarcastic jab." --ectojazzmage

"So intrigued by whether the fish is the friend or the fish is the bed." --LLM Cool J, on Twitter

"Wilbur has two paths to go from here. On the first, he processes this lesson about the impermanence of relationships and learns to let his attachment to Iris go, having achieved true inner peace. On the second he gets even weirder and, I dunno, marries his other fish." --Dan

"What's funny about that punchline is that it's so overwrought Dustin's dad must have been working on that for a solid week. I'd tell him not to quit his day job but it looks as though he hates that too." --pugfuggly

"I've lost a couple of pets in my time, and one thing I never did was collapse against the fridge sobbing out urban legends about Walt Disney's corpse." --Schroduck

"Leave it there ... I can't come to the door right now! I'm using the bathroom! Oh, wait ... I'm not in the bathroom, am I...?" --Charterstoned

"Say, did you know the 'cola wars' are considered to be an ongoing thing? That puts an Orwellian spin on today's strip. ('We have always been at war with Keurig Dr. Pepper...')" --TheDiva

"Trixie is waging a war against the Mainstream Media, which is libelling her friend, the sun, saying it causes skin cancer." --Ettorre

"Those snails are in the desert because that's where you find the mutating radiation that has clearly turned them into oversized monsters, as 1950s science fiction movies always told us it would. I mean, look at those flowers: half the height of a flatscreen TV, and the snails dwarf them. The snails are huge. Fear the snails of Yucca Mountain." --Vice President John Adams

"It's just a silly comic, but I'm going to be spending the rest of my day wondering if snails are either so technologically advanced that they have televisions that work with no apparent power or signal/streaming sources, or so gullible that you can fool them into thinking they have a television by slapping a simple drawing onto a stand." --Tabby Lavalamp

"So Justin's evolved his pineal gland into a working third eye. Good for him; ain't Theosophy great? Or at least peaceful and, these days, mostly extinct. I suppose he could have joined Aum Shinrikyo or Heaven's Gate or the Unification Church or any other organization filled with crazed loons who have ambitious goals to rule or kill, but no, this is Rex Morgan, the 'no soap, no opera' of soap opera strips." --Voshkod

"Goddammit, kid, it's 5 of 6:00. I just got home from a long sweaty day perfecting the delivery system for Napalm, and I just want a drink. It is far too late in the day for ontology!" --I'm Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV

"He's not being that good. He's wearing his shoes while on the furniture, for one." --taig

"When he was in prison for burglary, Malcom X became a voracious reader and would use the knowledge gained and his newfound faith to become one of the most influential civil rights leaders of the 20th Century. Dennis, however, has just become more and more spiteful. Literacy will be the first thing to go when he attains power." --Philip