Metapost: Another year, another COTW

Start 2024 off with a bang and with your first (but by no means last!) comment of the week!

"Today's Rex Morgan is far more interesting if you read 'CLAP!' as not spontaneous applause, but each victim of the Mirakle Method clapping in unison. 'CLAP!' and the room reverberates, and then long seconds of silence, and then 'CLAP!' like nearing thunder, and long seconds of silence, then 'CLAP!' like the doors of Heaven slamming, and June and Rex sit in rising panic as 'CLAP!' and the crowd stands as one and begins to turn toward them, the unbelievers, the heretics, the ones who need to see a Mirakle." --Voshkod

And your runners up? Also very funny!

"One stern look and it's floppy fries and farewell forever? Guess Brad should've been eating at ALL CHICKEN." --Skedastic

"Passion for good earthy food, secret bastard daughter, making Greenpeace activists disappear ... for being a Marine, Keith is really French!" --Ettorre

"When Kwamay explains his third wish, the fish starts to tear up. 'Dude, can't you see what's right in front of your eyes? After all I've done for you... It's because I'm a fish, isn't it? We can make it work!’” --Peanut Gallery

"A new year, a new sound for sleeping. We should all strive to include hyphens in our snoring." --KMD

"What's especially funny about this scene is that, judging by the black dress and haunted look, Grandma just got back from a funeral. She was probably telling them a story about a beloved friend or relative, and these two melonheads just rolled their eyes and asked if any of this happened since 2018." --pugfuggly

"Also in attendance tonight, we've got the Glenwood Terra Cotta Army of Middle-Aged Americans! Give 'em a hand, folks, but please, no touching or flash photography!" --jroggs

"Henry is embarrassed. He is the one that is supposed to be belittled in this scenario, not the blue-collar Brawny man representing the masculine virtues he as an office-dweller can never hope to achieve." --Philip

"And don't forget, friends, this Man-Sawed-In-Half/Exploding-Eyeball trick is brought to you by FM radio. FM: don't miss our 'commercial free hour' at 9 every night!" --Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

"Dick Tracy is establishing that this woman is a crook like all stage 'magicians,' who aren't magicians at all but con artists who trick people into thinking they're seeing magic but instead it's all an elaborate ruse. One day these charlatans will get what's coming to them from the fists of justice! Look at the audience in panel two who have been fooled into getting PTSD from thinking they just witnessed a gruesome murder! Curse you, Criss Angel, Mind Freak! Learn to spell 'Chris', damn it! Curse you, David Copperfield! We know you're not really a Dickensian character still looking so young and handsome despite being close to two centuries old! Curse you all and your lies!" --Tabby Lavalamp

"Chip is just making clear that when he takes his date back to his place for strip poker or whatever horny teens play today (strip Fortnite?), he will definitely win." --Schroduck

"It's not quite as subtle a warning as, say, playing football with the head of Oliver Cromwell and then displaying it on a pike, but the local bass get the message just fine." --I'm Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV