Finding Community Where You Are

Hey Reader,

When I arrived in Madeira one week ago, my mission was to sell my car. I wasn't sure how long I would stay—another pit stop in what has become a familiar pattern of temporary destinations. For days, I was physically present but mentally elsewhere.

This waiting mode isn't new to me. I lived in Berlin while planning to move abroad. I left Georgia for a two-month stay in Madeira while planning for America. I resided in Norway while imagining life in New Zealand. Even now, while surrounded by Madeira's lush nature, my mind wanders to opportunities in Medellin, Malaysia, and New Zealand.

The Belonging Paradox

There's a certain irony in how I've been living: seeking community and connection while constantly positioning myself as "just passing through." By fixating on destinations beyond reach, I've created the perfect excuse to avoid putting down roots.

I seek belonging, but search for it anywhere except where I am.

This mental escape creates an illusion of progress. Planning future moves feels productive—researching neighborhoods, calculating costs of living, envisioning a different life. Yet these activities, while seemingly purposeful, often serve as sophisticated distractions from the present.

Breaking the Pattern

Last week, I made a shift. I recognized my familiar excuses forming and decided to interrupt the cycle. Instead of postponing connection until some idealized future location, I committed to a simple experiment: attend two local events with no agenda beyond curiosity.

The first was a community lunch where, instead of holding back parts of myself as I typically might, I engaged fully with strangers. We exchanged stories, found mutual interests, and laughed together. The following day, stepping even further out of my comfort zone. I attended my first men's circle—a gathering I might have previously dismissed out of insecurity of sharing myself truly.

The Revelation

What surprised me wasn't that I enjoyed these gatherings, but how quickly authentic connections formed once I stopped withholding my presence. Community wasn't waiting for me in some future destination—it was available wherever I chose to show up completely.

The barrier to belonging wasn't geographic; it was my own hesitation to invest emotionally in the here and now.

Small Steps, Lasting Connections

Creating genuine belongings doesn't require grand gestures or perfect circumstances. It emerges from small, consistent actions: showing up, being curious about others, sharing authentically, and returning again and again.

Each conversation, each revealed story, each moment of vulnerability builds toward something greater than the sum of those interactions: a sense of being known, valued, and connected.

Actionable Tips

I'm challenging myself to live as though I'm staying, even when the future remains uncertain. This means:

• Attending events as if I’d stay here forever
• Getting to know people without the mental footnote that these connections might be temporary
• Creating routines that root me in this place, this moment

Perhaps true belonging isn't about finding the perfect place, but about bringing our full selves to wherever we stand. The question isn't "Where will I finally belong?" but rather "How can I belong more fully right here?"

What waiting patterns do you recognize in your own life? Where might you be postponing connection or engagement because of uncertainty about the future? I'd love to hear your reflections—reply to this newsletter and share your thoughts.

Thanks for reading and until next week,

Jesse