uncomfortable
Dear friends,
Do you ever feel bad or uncomfortable?
Or are you ever around anyone else who feels bad or uncomfortable?
If so, how’s that going?
Because, with the right system, I’m here to share it can be pretty great.
***
This was my old (not great) system:
1. When I felt bad or uncomfortable, I blamed other people.
2. When other people felt bad or uncomfortable, I blamed myself.
That simple and that complicated.
***
My new (great) system is:
1. When I feel bad or uncomfortable, I comfort myself.
2. When others feel bad or uncomfortable, I comfort myself.
That simple and that complicated again.
***
What happened in the old system is I made feeling bad or uncomfortable wrong.
If it was wrong, someone was to blame.
Me, them, or a mix.
Everyone was a victim, villain, or both.
***
What spurred the new system was realizing everyone feels bad or uncomfortable a lot.
Like: many multiple times a day.
It’s normal—even natural—to feel this way.
And there are remedies beside blame.
***
I can touch my heart, for example.
I can whisper, “There, there.”
I can stand, stretch, breathe slowly, or take a walk.
I can drink a glass of water.
I can listen to music.
I can cry, journal, exercise, nap, or phone a friend.
I can take care of myself.
And when I do, I can care for others, too.
***
The term for this kind of self-care is mindful self-compassion.
If you’re curious, write back and I’ll recommend my two favorite books on the topic.
Either way, check your system.
How do you handle strong feelings?
Do you blame yourself or others when someone feels bad or uncomfortable?
Or is there a degree of grace—or even welcome?
Whatever your answer, how does that feel?
And what happens next?
***
My findings:
There are no villains in my new system.
Only frequently hurt, eternally healing human beings, beginning with myself.
We can be good with feeling bad, I’ve learned.
We can be comfortable with being uncomfortable.
Whatever happens, whatever’s happening, the way we respond can make it great.
Blameless—
Jeremy