Friends,

Do you know what “knurl” is?

Three months ago I’d never heard the word.

That’s because I’d never touched a barbell—or done any other kind of strength training.

My wife Crissie told me I had to try.

She let me join her with her trainer, Cory.

The knurl, he showed me, is the textured part of the barbell, used for hand positioning and grip.

Then he showed me how to squat, press, and free lift.

And voilà—I’m now a weightlifter.

***

This is not a story about how wonderful weightlifting is.

It’s not a story about why you should hire a trainer.

And it’s not a vocabulary lesson either.

To me, it’s a story about starting any new activity.

And how important someone, anyone else can be.

In this case, that someone was my wife Crissie.

But my general term for this crucial person is gateway friend.

***

Your gateway friend is the person who takes you, in some new zone, from outsider to insider.

That can be weightlifting.

But it can also be Thai cooking, macramé, or insight meditation.

Twenty years ago, I wanted to try yoga, for example—but I was terrified.

I didn’t know what to wear, or how it worked, or what the deal was with those mats.

Over a month, I asked more than a dozen friends if they would go to a yoga class with me.

One person, my friend Jonah, said yes.

Two days later, he met me outside a local studio.

We entered together and he helped me navigate signing up, getting dressed, and setting up my spot.

I loved the class.

I came back every Tuesday for more than a decade.

Jonah never joined me again.

And yet few people are more essential to my yoga journey.

That’s the power of a gateway friend.

***

In retrospect, I’ve relied on gateway friends, consciously or unconsciously, all my life.

Ben was my gateway friend to computer programming, for instance.

Nick was my gateway friend to bibimbop.

Sarah and Danielle were my gateway friends to Heathers.

More recently (but pre-knurl), Crissie, again, was my gateway friend to learning Spanish.

Jason and Jon were my gateway friends to river surfing.

Michael was my gateway friend to Lee, who was my gateway to Marc, who was my gateway to Dave, who was my gateway to Steve, who was my gateway to Carolyn, who was my gateway to Overcoming Underearning.

If there’s anything you want to do, and you’re not doing it, find someone, anyone who will accompany you.

And if there’s no one, find someone who will help you find someone else—and so on, until you’re in the door.

***

I welcome your own gateway friend stories.

Or share where you’re stuck, and I’ll write back with an idea or two of who might be your gateway in disguise.

This isn’t networking.

It’s socializing.

And realizing any we can often tackle way more than I can.

Lifted—

Jeremy