Dear friends,

On my desk I keep this brilliant definition I once read of being “insecure”:

“INSECURE.

General or personal insecurity occurs when we are overly critical of our weaknesses.”

It goes on:

“We can have high self-esteem but still be insecure if we’re overly critical of our imperfections.”

Cf. “self-security”: “the open and non-judgmental acceptance of one’s own weaknesses.”

***

When I first read that, I felt like it was written just for me.

I felt insecure.

In response, I attacked myself for my weaknesses and imperfections.

Then, though, I felt more insecure—not less.

It was a clear pattern—I’d just been unconscious of it.

And it was ruining my life.

***

With clarity came a new thought sequence:

• Everyone has weaknesses.

• Everyone has imperfections.

• If I want to be self-secure, I can’t do it by not having weaknesses or imperfections.

• I can do it by accepting myself, exactly as I am.

So that’s what I’ve been working on ever since.

***

Accepting myself means embracing good enough is good enough.

After hitting send on a possibly-awkward message.

When a coaching call feels flat.

If I lose a basketball game—or my temper.

When I bite my nails, doomscroll, or succumb to any other unwelcome habit.

Saying: Okay.

And: I’m okay.

And: I accept it all.

***

Five things self-acceptance helps me do:

• Laugh at myself.

• Love myself.

• Focus on who I am and what I am doing, not who and what I’m not.

• Sympathize with others.

• Stay in action.

Over and over, I learn:

I’m stronger for accepting my weaknesses.

I’m more perfect for embracing my imperfections.

***

Want to increase your self-security?

Here’s a fun exercise, adapted from work by Kristin Neff:

• List 5 things at which you’re better than average.

• List 5 things at which you’re average.

• List 5 things at which you’re below average.

Stop.

That’s it.

Accept the universal experience of being human.

***

If you like, hit reply and send me your 5-5-5.

I’ll merge the answers into an anonymous “humanity” and share the complete list with all contributors.

Either way, know you are very much not alone.

We all have weaknesses.

We all have imperfections.

Embrace that, inside and out, and everything that follows will be easier and more enjoyable.

Life is not a problem to be solved.

And neither are you.

Accepted—

Jeremy