casket
Dear friends—
Worrying what others will think is our most common fear.
For example, most people rank public speaking ahead of death in a list of phobias.
Hence the joke:
Is it worse to be the person in the casket—or the person giving the eulogy?
***
I have several strategies related to the casket conundrum.
Three fun ones are:
• 90-9-1
• Flash Forward
• Love the No
***
90-9-1 is a simple calculation:
If I’m honest, I spend 90% of my time thinking about myself.
I spend 9% of my time worrying what other people think about me.
And I spend 1% of my time thinking about other people.
Everyone I’ve ever talked to about this has roughly the same ratio.
But that means we’re all worrying what other people think NINE TIMES more than other people could possibly be thinking about us—good or bad!
***
Flash Forward is my variant on a teaching by Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh.
He said: “If you’re ever mad at someone, picture you both in 100 years.”
I suggest the same thing if you’re ever worried how others will perceive you.
The insight being: we’ll all be the person in the casket soon.
Then wormmeal, dirt, and dust.
What a waste to hold a grudge.
Or spend life afraid of living.
***
Love the No makes rejection a game.
Pick a number—like 20—and see if you can get that many Nos in the next two weeks.
This forces you into creativity, action, and connection.
Chances are, whatever you’re asking for, you’re also going to get a lot of Yeses.
Either way, you win.
***
What’s your greatest fear?
Who else is involved?
Name them.
Picture them.
Now try out 90-9-1, Flash Forward, or Love the No.
What’s released knowing:
(a) they’re not thinking about you,
(b) you’ll both be dead and gone soon, and
(c) they can say yes or no—and you’ll survive regardless?
***
Sign up for my two-day, in-person workshop, “Breakthrough to Brave,” happening May 30 and 31, to create your own experiments in courage.
Or email me to explore together how this retreat could serve your fearless future.
As an early-bird bonus, everyone who registers by April 24 will receive a complimentary ticket to my 2.5-hour “Ask for Anything” masterclass.
People from across the country have already grabbed seats.
I hope we get some from around the world.
Come write your life and let somebody else worry about the eulogy.
Thinking great things about you—
Jeremy