ask
Dear friends—
Twenty-three years ago, I fell in love at first sight.
Like: her laugh echoed in my ears.
Like: I lay on my living room couch, moaning her name to my housemates.
Like: her eyes were blue, and the sky was blue.
So when I saw the sky—you know, all day—I put my palm to my forehead, sighing and thinking of her.
***
Clearly, I wanted to go out with this woman.
There was only one problem.
I didn’t actually know her.
And she didn’t know me.
We’d met once, on the back deck of the Old Post Pub, amidst a group of a dozen people.
We didn’t exchange names, or speak 1-on-1.
She was a grad school classmate of one of my housemates.
That’s it.
***
I got her number from my housemate.
I called my sister, Lucia, who coached me on what to say.
Lucia and I talked for several hours, over the course of six or seven days.
Finally, written out on an index card, I had this honed 13-word masterpiece:
“Hey—do you want to get together or do something later this week?”
***
I practiced.
I paced.
I breathed in.
I breathed out.
I dialed the number.
She answered.
“Hello?”
I said my name and the name of my housemate and “at the Old Post…?”
“Uh-huh,” she said.
And then I said my 13 words.
***
That’s it.
That’s the story.
Not if she said yes.
Not if we went out.
Not if we have a 15-year-old daughter now, or if next month we celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary.
Me asking is the point.
Because after that I felt fabulous.
I didn’t care at all about what she’d say.
Whatever happened next wasn’t my problem.
That’s when I realized—
It’s not my job to have the universe give me what I want.
It is my job to ask.
***
Does this ring true to you?
If so, are you doing your job?
What do you want?
Who will you tell?
What are your magic words?
When will you say them—or what’s stopping you?
***
Write back and let me know.
I’ll reply with a very helpful short audio.
I want you to get what you want.
And I know you will—one way or another—by asking for it.
Get out of your head.
Get off the couch.
Stop sighing to the sky.
Do your job.
And let the rest of your life begin.
Requestfully—
Best, Jeremy
jeremynsmith.com (👈 if this email was forwarded to you, you can sign up for my newsletter here)