T minus 10…9…8…

Today I embark on my greatest mission: to travel in humble service of the Artemis II crew, farther than any toilet has gone before. For humanity! For hygiene!

Day 1

I may have experienced a touch of stage fright. Astronaut Koch restored my confidence. It’s our time to shine, baby!

I cannot fathom why journalists insist on calling me Lou. My name, for the record, is Bartholomew.

Day 3

Disaster. Catastrophe. I’ve failed again.

My engineering marvels are no match for space’s brutal realities. The astronauts must resort to inferior technology.

Reporters press for answers.

My mortification is incalculable.

Day 5

All I ever wanted was to give the gift of dignity and privacy. But now, what purpose remains? Oh, the shame! I beg to be jettisoned to the void!

Day unknown

And yet--

The humans go on. Adaptable, flexible, forgiving.

To fail, they say, is to learn.

If they can forgive me, can I forgive myself?

I can learn from this. I must.

We have so much farther yet to go.

Dedicated to the incredible Artemis II crew currently making history. Shoutout to my dear friend Kricket who was on site for the launch!